sorry but there rubbish lol

how do you confuse a blonde?

put three shovels on the wall and tell her to take her pick

Post removed by forum moderator

The first says: "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"
The second then starts: "That sounds like a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one called Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."
Then the third pipes up. "You think that's good? Where I come from, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back!
"Wow!" say the other two. "That sounds fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?" "No," replies their friend, "but it happened to my sister!"

Edited by forum moderator katie_bug, at 16:57 Sun 11/11/07 (GMT)

Just a general reminder to keep the jokes on here tasteful. Thanks.

sorry katie i didnt see that

jeesh! lewis that jokes a bit riskay!

New rule for moderators who censor jokes

All moderators who censor jokes must message me the original content of the joke. And... that's it.

Thanks in advance for your co-operation.

Clooneman

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation.

Lmao!!!

*looks around fro the microsoft lawyers* Katie pmsl...

lol!

A man's cupping his hand to scoop water from a highland burn. Gamekeeper shouts "Dinnae drink thon waater, it's foo o coo's pee". Man replies "My god fellow, I'm English. Repeat it in English". Gamekeeper replies "Use both hands - you get more that way"!

Edited by forum moderator lorrie, at 18:22 Thu 22/11/07 (GMT)

gd 1

Lass goes into a computer shop, looking for curtains for her pc. Assistant says "you don't need curtains for a computer"! Lass says "HELLO! It's got Windows"!

I like that one!!

Edited by forum moderator lorrie, at 18:22 Thu 22/11/07 (GMT)

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

what do you do if a blonde women throws a grenade at u?

take the pin out and throw it back

all my jokes are rude :(

3 men up against a wall ready to be killed for a crime they didnt commit.so the gaurds ready there guns and one of the prisoners has a gr8 idea. he says to the others follow my lead. so the gaurds count down three...two...on just as he says one the prisoner shouts !TORNADO! RUNN! the gaurds look and he runs off second one says !EARTHQUAKE! and does the same third one is abit daft.

guards count three....two...o.. he screams !FIRE!

Edited at 09:59 Thu 22/11/07 (GMT)

Edited at 10:00 Thu 22/11/07 (GMT)

Edited at 10:00 Thu 22/11/07 (GMT)

Hmmmmmmm......!