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Deleted User
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05:35 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
haha.
Deleted User
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06:01 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
Why shouldn't you have a g ay monkey and a g ay squirrel in the same tree?

Because the monkey will go bananas over the squirrel's nuts.
Deleted User
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06:05 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
Deleted User
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06:19 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down £500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bacon sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."
Deleted User
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06:28 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide.

The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacists eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I cant give you cyanide to kill your husband Thats against the law Ill lose my license, theyll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacists wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didnt tell me you had a prescription.
Deleted User
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06:40 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
There was a Mexican crossing the border. After being stopped by patrol, they tell him he can not come into America unless he can speak good English. So they give him a test to see what he knows.

They tell him he needs to make a sentence using three words that they will pick. The 3 words are green, pink, and yellow.

A few seconds go by and the Mexican says he's got it, "The phone goes green green. I pink it up and say yellow."
Deleted User
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06:42 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
LMFAO

Edited at 12:49 Tue 31/10/06 (GMT)
Deleted User
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07:17 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
A grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife:

"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"

She says "You're coming empty handed?"
Deleted User
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09:21 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
lol
Deleted User
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09:24 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.

"What's your name?" he asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only. Smith, Jones, Baker and that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
Deleted User
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10:40 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and lovin the one bout the green, yellow and pink

Edited at 16:40 Tue 31/10/06 (GMT)
Deleted User
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11:03 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams.

"Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me."

"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty and thirty thousand pounds."

"Thirty thousand pounds!" the man gasped. "Never mind getting rid of the monsters, Doctor. I think I'll go home and try to make friends with them."
Deleted User
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13:08 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
pmsl....they're all brill!!
Deleted User
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13:09 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
LMFAO!
Deleted User
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13:44 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
LMAO
Deleted User
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13:45 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
Deleted User
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14:12 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
Deleted User
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14:14 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
HAHAHAHA
Deleted User
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14:16 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
The couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."

Well, you can imagine her disappointment.

The next year, her birthday rolls around again and he doesn't get her anything.

She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present?"

He says, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
Deleted User
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14:16 Tue 31 Oct 06 (GMT)  [Link]  
L M A O ! ! ! !
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Good Jokes Only!!!

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