A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and said with a wonderful and cheerful smile.

"Good Morning sir. What a wonderful morning! I'd like two boiled eggs, one of them so under cooked it's runny, and the other so over cooked it's tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that has been left out so it gets a bit on the cold site; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, luke-warm."

"That's a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult."

The guest replied, "Oh? But that's what I got yesterday!"

LMAO!

An older couple wake up in the morning and the husband looks over at the woman and says, "Wow! You wouldn't believe the dream I had."

And the woman replied, "Yes, go on tell me."

So the husband told her. "I had a dream that you left me after 20 years of being married."

So the wife says, "Oh, it sounds more like a nightmare."

The husband says, "No, I am sure it was a dream."

PMSL .......Grrrr Stella!

A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases.

When an assistant approached her and asked, "What would you like?" she answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jam-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."

Then with a sigh she added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."

I dont get that! lmao

so to speak

PMSL




See Gen Chat

Three sisters ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses.

She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure.

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

LMFAO @ THAT!

pmsl....oh i like that one!!

Sean got home in the early hours of the morning after a night at the local pub. He made such a racket hitting into the furniture as he weaved his way through the house, that he woke up the Mrs.

"What on earth are you doing down there?" she yelled down from the bedroom. "Get yourself up here to bed and don't wake the neighbors."

"I'm trying to get a barrel of beer up the stairs" he shouted.

"Leave it 'till the morning" she shouted back.

"I can't" he said "I've drank it!"

Mmmmmm i dont get the last two jokes lmao!

Did you know you can now get Viagra in eyedrop form?

well it does nowt for your love life, but it makes you look hard

LMAO!

A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaked up behind him and clobbered him on the back of his head with a huge cast-iron frying pan.

"What was that for?", the man screamed in pain.

"What is this piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"

"Oh, honey. Don’t you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."

The wife seemed satisfied and headed on to do some work around the house, feeling a bit sheepish. Three days later the man was once again sitting in his chair when his wife sneaked up on him and again hit him on the head with a cast-iron frying pan.

"What’s that for this time?", the man shouted, clutching his head.

"Your horse called."

PMFSL! LOVE IT!

Having lunch one day, a sex therapist said to her friend, "According to a survey we just completed, ninety percent of all people mast*rbate in the shower. Only ten percent of them sing."

"Really?" asked the friend.

The therapist shook her head and proceeded to ask, "And do you know what song they sing?"

The friend nodded her head and replied, "No."

The therapist replied, "I didn't think so."

Three expectant mothers were sitting in the obstetrician's waiting room. Two of the ladies began to chat about their pregnancies, and their due dates and such.

One of the women said to the other, "I happen to know that my baby is going to be a boy, because when my baby was conceived, my husband was on top."

Replied the other woman, "Oh! That must mean that I'm going to have a girl, because when my baby was conceived, I was on top."

The third woman suddenly burst noisily into tears. Concerned, the other two ladies turned to her and asked, "My heavens, what ever is wrong?"

The third woman wailed tearfully, "I'm afraid that I may be having a puppy!"

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs