Lmao i like that 1

PMSL!

HAHAHAHAHA NICE ONE

PMSL

hi i just got on after like 6 months off

A honeymoon couple is in their hotel room getting ready for bed.

The husband takes off his shirt, flexes his biceps and boasts, "Honey, in each arm I have over five-hundred pounds of dynamite."

The wife is very impressed by this.

The husband then proceeds to take off his pants. He flexes his legs, one at a time and boasts again, "And in each leg I have over one thousand pounds of dynamite."

The wife is even more impressed.

The husband then proceeds by taking off his underwear and is standing there buck-naked. Upon seeing this, the wife is overcome with horror and lets out a piercing shriek!

"What's wrong?" the husband asks.

"I'm getting the fcuk out of here!" the wife says. "All that dynamite and that short fuse. This place is going to blow!"

A man walks into a public men's room. His arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, his forearms hang limply, and his fingers are spread apart.

He approaches another man and asks, "Excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?"

The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled. He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this and so he complies and unzips the first man's pants.

Next the man asks him to hold his d ick for him while he pees. The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he is asked.

Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his d ick back in his pants.

"Oh, I can take care of that," the first man says, blowing on his fingers. "I think my nails are dry now."

lmfao...love it

heehee

A Chinese man had three daughters, he asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry.

"I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest", said the eldest daughter.

He then asked his second daughter who she would like to marry.

"I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest", said the second daughter.

He finally asked his youngest daughter who she would like to marry.

"I would like to marry a man with one draggin' on the ground", said the youngest daughter.

A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside.

His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep.

Later, her husband woke up and said, "You're cute."

Startled, she asked him, "What happened to beautiful?"

to which he replied "The drugs are wearing off"

What does a cannibal do when he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his a ss and moves on!

LOL. a guy walks into a psychiatrists office wrapped in cling film. the psychiatrist says "Well, i can clearly see your nuts"

Joe took his blind date to the carnival.

"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," said Kim.

They wander over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds.

Kim got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed."

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.

"I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

omg lmfao

A man walks into a crowded reception area of a doctors office. The receptionist asks if she can help him.

He replies, "Yes, my d ick hurts."

The receptionist, slightly embarrassed tells the man he shouldn't say such things in a crowded room and further tells him he should make up a story like my ear hurts. Then the real problem can be discussed in the privacy of an examination room.

So the man leaves for awhile and comes back. Once again, the receptionist asks: "Can I help you."

The man replies: "Yes, my ear hurts."

"Well, what's wrong with your ear?"

"I can't p iss out of it!"

Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and California has all the lawyers?
Because New Jersey got first pick!!

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a pros titute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

A guy walks over to a beautiful woman and asks, "Would you mind if I sat here with you?"

She responds by yelling, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them and the guy is completely embarrassed. After a few minutes, the woman feels guilty, walks over to the guy and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

The guy looks at her and shouts, "What do you mean, £200?"