LMAO!!

"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.

"I want six shots of Jagermesier," responds the man.

"Six shots! Are you celebrating something?" the bartender asks.

"Yeah, my first blow job," the man says.

"Well, in that case, let me give you a seventh on the house," the bartender says.

"No offense, sir. But if six shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will," answers the man.

Eewwwww lmfao!!

Two Swedish guys get off a ship and head for the nearest bar at the pier.

Each one orders two whiskeys and immediately downs them. They then order two more whiskeys apiece, and quickly throw them back. They then order another two whiskeys apiece.

One of the men picks up one of his drinks, and turning to the other man, says, "Skoal!"

The other man turns to the first and says, "Hey, did you come here to bullsh*t, or did you come here to drink?"

After a few beers, Bill and Phil both head to the mens' room.

Bill said to Phil, "I wish I had one like my cousin Ralph. He needs four fingers, to hold his."

"You're holding yours with four fingers now," replied Phil.

"Yeah, but I'm peeing on three of 'em!" complained Bill.

Top 10 Times the word Fcuk Was Appropriate



1. "What the fcuk was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima
2. "Where did all these fcuking Indians come from?" - Custer
3. "Any fcuking idiot could understand that." - Einstein
4. "It does SO fcuking look like her!" - Picasso
5. "How the fcuk did you work that out?" - Pythagoras
6. "You want WHAT on the fcuking ceiling?" - Michaelangelo
7. "I don't suppose it's gonna fcuking rain." - Joan of Arc
8. "Scattered fcuking showers my a ss!" - Noah
9. "I need this parade like I need a fcuking hole in my head!" - JFK
10. "Aw, c'mon, who the fcuk is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton

ewwww @ trickys pmsl @ both

Edited at 18:30 Tue 24/10/06 (BST)

Two advertising executivess were having lunch and talking. The young exec trainee said to the older, wiser man, "Where has Ben Harris been hanging out? I haven't seen him for a while."

The senior exec replied, "Haven't you heard? Ben Harris went to that great ad agency in the sky."

"Good Lord," replied the junior man, "You're kidding me, right? What did he have?"

"Oh, nothing much," replied the elder exec. "A small toothpaste account and a couple of discount stores, but nothing much worth going after."

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to hit everything but the toilet. So his mom has to go in and clean up after him. After two weeks, she has had enough, and takes Tommy to the doctor.

After the examination, the doctor said, "His unit is too small. An old wives' tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight."

The next morning Tommy jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. There on the table, are twelve slices of toast.

"Mom!" Tommy yells. "The doctor said I only had to eat two slices of toast."

"I know." said his mother. "The other ten are for your father."

PMSL

LMFAO! GD ONE TRICKY!

The word shag:

Seriously, stop humping my leg
Hey, i said stop it!!
At last, you stopped
God sake...ur humping my nose now...

lmao

A man and his wife were going on a cruise for their honeymoon. They packed their bags and got ready to go but forgot two things - Condoms and Dramamine - for the man had the terrible misfortune of getting motion sickness on ships.
So the man and his wife stop at the store on the way to the cruise, and the man went in to get the necessary supplies. He walked up to the counter with a plenty-pack of condoms and asked for the largest bottle of Dramamine available.

The pharmacist looked at him for a second and then asked him, "If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?"

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.

So the man says to his wife, "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill." She ignored the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, your butt really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

PMFSL

A Jewish gentleman, fresh out of gift ideas, bought his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he bought her nothing. She was quick to comment loud and long on his thoughtlessness. He replied, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year."

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband gave his wife a gift - a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here LIies My Wife - Cold As Ever."

Later, the furious wife bought a return present - also a tombstone, on which the inscription read: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last."