Good Jokes Only!!!
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Deleted User
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10:38 Sun 22 Oct 06 (BST) [Link]
Out in the Wild West, Jesse James's gang forces a train to stop, and Jesse climbs on board. He bursts into a passenger car, pulls out his guns, and fires.
Blam! Blam!
"All right!" he yells. "I'm going to screw all the men and kill all the women!"
Blam! Blam!
"That's right!" he growls. "I'm going to fcuk all the men and kill all the women!"
A guy in the front row says, "Uh, Mr. James, I think you've got it backwards."
Suddenly a high pitched man's voice in the back calls out, "EXCUSE ME, but Mr. James is robbing the train here!"
Blam! Blam!
"All right!" he yells. "I'm going to screw all the men and kill all the women!"
Blam! Blam!
"That's right!" he growls. "I'm going to fcuk all the men and kill all the women!"
A guy in the front row says, "Uh, Mr. James, I think you've got it backwards."
Suddenly a high pitched man's voice in the back calls out, "EXCUSE ME, but Mr. James is robbing the train here!"
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10:59 Sun 22 Oct 06 (BST) [Link]
Three guys went into business for themselves. Said the first, "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."
"I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary, and treasurer."
"Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"
The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of s ex and music."
"That sounds mighty fine," said the third man, "but what does it mean?"
"It means when I want your fcuking advice, I'll whistle."
"I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary, and treasurer."
"Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"
The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of s ex and music."
"That sounds mighty fine," said the third man, "but what does it mean?"
"It means when I want your fcuking advice, I'll whistle."
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11:19 Sun 22 Oct 06 (BST) [Link]
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her 3 times in the stomach.
Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then 1 daughter walks into the room in tears.
"What's wrong" asks the mum.
"I was having a pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter. The mum tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the 2nd daughter walks in to the room in tears.
"Mom, I was having a pee and this bullet came out".
Again the mom tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears.
"It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, and you were having a pee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog"
Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then 1 daughter walks into the room in tears.
"What's wrong" asks the mum.
"I was having a pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter. The mum tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the 2nd daughter walks in to the room in tears.
"Mom, I was having a pee and this bullet came out".
Again the mom tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears.
"It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, and you were having a pee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog"
Deleted User
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04:41 Mon 23 Oct 06 (BST) [Link]
this dog walks into a saloon in the wild west with a bandage on. he walks to the bar looks round and says "I'ma lookin for the fella who shot ma Paw".
Edited at 09:41 Mon 23/10/06 (BST)
Edited at 09:41 Mon 23/10/06 (BST)
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14:23 Mon 23 Oct 06 (BST) [Link]
One day there were three doctors standing in the hall talking about Nurse Jenny.
"She's a complete idiot! She does everything absolutely backwards!" the first Doctor said. The second docter says "I know, why, just the other day I told her to give Mr. Brown 3cc's of novacaine every 10 hours. She gave him 10cc's every three hours, he almost died on us!"
Just then the three Doctors hear a deafening scream from down the hall. The third Doctor says "Oh my gosh! I just told Nurse Jenny to p rick Mr. Smith's boil!"
"She's a complete idiot! She does everything absolutely backwards!" the first Doctor said. The second docter says "I know, why, just the other day I told her to give Mr. Brown 3cc's of novacaine every 10 hours. She gave him 10cc's every three hours, he almost died on us!"
Just then the three Doctors hear a deafening scream from down the hall. The third Doctor says "Oh my gosh! I just told Nurse Jenny to p rick Mr. Smith's boil!"
14:28 Mon 23 Oct 06 (BST) [Link]
Hank Smith gets home from work one day and finds his wife has been crying. "What's wrong?" he asks.
"John, promise you won't get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today and he told me I've got a pretty pusy."
"WHAT?" he shouts. With that he grabs a baseball bat from the cupboard and storms down to the doctor's office and through the reception area.
Without knocking he bursts into the doctor's office. The doctor is in the process of giving an old lady a breast examination. She screams and tries to cover herself. Without waiting, Mr. Smith charges up to the doctor, smashes the baseball bat down on the desk and says, "You flaming pervert how dare you say my wife has a pretty pusy!"
The doctor replies, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but there has been a misunderstanding. I only told your wife that she has Acute Angina."
"John, promise you won't get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today and he told me I've got a pretty pusy."
"WHAT?" he shouts. With that he grabs a baseball bat from the cupboard and storms down to the doctor's office and through the reception area.
Without knocking he bursts into the doctor's office. The doctor is in the process of giving an old lady a breast examination. She screams and tries to cover herself. Without waiting, Mr. Smith charges up to the doctor, smashes the baseball bat down on the desk and says, "You flaming pervert how dare you say my wife has a pretty pusy!"
The doctor replies, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but there has been a misunderstanding. I only told your wife that she has Acute Angina."
Deleted User
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14:41 Mon 23 Oct 06 (BST) [Link]
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball. Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.
He passes the first woman, who looks down at his
p enis. "He's not my husband," she says.
He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his d ick. "He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit.
He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club!"
He passes the first woman, who looks down at his
p enis. "He's not my husband," she says.
He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his d ick. "He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit.
He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club!"
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Good Jokes Only!!!
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