OH PMSL

(Hiya!!)

Little Timmy asked, "Mommy what's that between your legs?

She told him that was her squirrel. Later that day he was in the bathroom again while grandma was taking a shower and he asked, "Grandma what's that between your legs?"

She replied, "That's my squirrel."

Little Timmy said, "Mommy has one too, but hers is not as grey as yours."

Grandma replied, "Well, your mommy's squirrel hasn't cracked as many nuts as mine has!"

LMFAO!!!!!!!

oh Lmao

How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.

LOL!!

Why are men like diapers?

They are always on my @ss and full of sh*t - thank goodness they're disposable!

There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So the young wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog." The clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does knows karate."

The wife didn't believe the clerk, so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair." The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces. Then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. The husband was of course disappointed and somewhat skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog.

When she told her husband that the dog knew karate, he said, "Karate my a$$!" And to this very day, he is in the hospital

There were two Orca (killer whales) swimming around the Arctic Ocean.

One whale turned to the other whale and said, "Hey! Do you see that fishing boat off in the distance? What do you say we swim over there, blow some water out of our blow holes, ram the boat and eat all the fishermen?"

The second killer whale said, "Well, I am up for the blow job, but I don't eat seamen."

lmao

lmao!
tricky_boi, i dont mean to be disrespectable but it says gd jokes and o thought thre one about the gaurd dog, was................................pretty lame,
but the whale one was good

thought for 2006
10.Life is sexually transmitted
09.Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
08.Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich
07.Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks
06.Some people are like a Slinky. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs
05.Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing
04.All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism
03.Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial tax cut saves you 50p
02.In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal

Edited at 16:24 Sun 8/10/06 (BST)

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:
We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in Britain, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of immigration

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

i dont understand it

LMFAO!!

Viagra Worked -- Now Let's Try These...

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society...

DIRECTRA -- a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA -- Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA -- Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks -- especially cleaning up spills and "little" accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA -- In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA -- Married and otherwise attached men reported a

??????? unfinished joke ??????????

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.

"That was a honey bee," his father said, "one of our friends. For stomping him you will do without honey for a week."

Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped it.

"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for stomping him you will do without butter for a week."

The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast with no honey or butter. Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove. His mother stomped it.

The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I?"