Good Jokes Only!!!
Viewing forum thread.
Back to Fun and Games.
Back to Forum List.
Deleted User
(IP Logged)
(IP Logged)
08:43 Thu 28 Sep 06 (BST) [Link]
A man is told by his doctor that if he doesnt stop drinking alcohol he might die in 6 months.
2 weeks later he sees his doctor who asks "have you stopped drinking alcohol?"
man replies "yes, im drinking brake fluid now" doctor says "What on earth you drinking brake fliud for"
to which the man replied "Oh its ok i can stop when ever i like"
2 weeks later he sees his doctor who asks "have you stopped drinking alcohol?"
man replies "yes, im drinking brake fluid now" doctor says "What on earth you drinking brake fliud for"
to which the man replied "Oh its ok i can stop when ever i like"
Deleted User
(IP Logged)
(IP Logged)
11:12 Thu 28 Sep 06 (BST) [Link]
bloke is in a queue at the Super Market when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children !
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, Christ! he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shaged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ars e
No she replies, I'm your sons' English Teacher
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children !
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, Christ! he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shaged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ars e
No she replies, I'm your sons' English Teacher
Deleted User
(IP Logged)
(IP Logged)
13:27 Thu 28 Sep 06 (BST) [Link]
Several years before the Gulf War, a female journalist did a story on gender roles in Kuwait. She noted that there it was customary for women to walk 10 feet behind their husbands.
After the war, she returned to Kuwait and was pleased to observe that now the men walked 10 feet behind their wives. She approached a woman at the airport and asked, "What enabled Kuwaiti women to achieve this role reversal?"
The Kuwaiti woman replied, "Land mines."
After the war, she returned to Kuwait and was pleased to observe that now the men walked 10 feet behind their wives. She approached a woman at the airport and asked, "What enabled Kuwaiti women to achieve this role reversal?"
The Kuwaiti woman replied, "Land mines."
Deleted User
(IP Logged)
(IP Logged)
11:48 Fri 29 Sep 06 (BST) [Link]
When the milkman found a note on one of his customer's doors asking for 16 gallons instead of the usual pint, he rang the bell.
"Sorry to bother you, ma'am," he said, "but are you sure you want sixteen gallons of milk today?"
"Oh, yes," said the lady of the house. "I'm going to take a milk bath."
He said "Do you want it pasteurized?"
She said, "No, just up to my t its would be fine."
"Sorry to bother you, ma'am," he said, "but are you sure you want sixteen gallons of milk today?"
"Oh, yes," said the lady of the house. "I'm going to take a milk bath."
He said "Do you want it pasteurized?"
She said, "No, just up to my t its would be fine."
Deleted User
(IP Logged)
(IP Logged)
11:52 Fri 29 Sep 06 (BST) [Link]
"Darling," a husband whispered to his wife late one night, "if I died, would you get married again?"
"I suppose so," she replied.
"Would you sleep in the same bed with him?"
"Well, it's the only bed in the house, so I have no choice."
"Would you make love to him?"
"Honey," the woman said patiently, "he would be my husband."
"Would you give him my car?"
"No," she yawned, "He can't drive an automatic."
"I suppose so," she replied.
"Would you sleep in the same bed with him?"
"Well, it's the only bed in the house, so I have no choice."
"Would you make love to him?"
"Honey," the woman said patiently, "he would be my husband."
"Would you give him my car?"
"No," she yawned, "He can't drive an automatic."
Deleted User
(IP Logged)
(IP Logged)
12:52 Fri 29 Sep 06 (BST) [Link]
LMFAO WOO WOOOOO!gud one Stellssssssss hehe
14:50 Fri 29 Sep 06 (BST) [Link]
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes" the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes" the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
Deleted User
(IP Logged)
(IP Logged)
07:24 Sat 30 Sep 06 (BST) [Link]
A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex.
"Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!"
But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing.
"Well, if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration. Yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!"
"WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"
"Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!"
But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing.
"Well, if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration. Yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!"
"WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"
Deleted User
(IP Logged)
(IP Logged)
06:28 Sun 1 Oct 06 (BST) [Link]
Frank (a g ay guy) goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says "Frank, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS."
Frank is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat:
a head of cabbage,
10 Jalapeno peppers,
40 walnuts and peanuts,
a box of Grapenuts cereal,
5 pounds of spicy sausage,
20 in-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce,
and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
Frank asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it will teach you what your a ss is for.
The doctor comes back and says "Frank, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS."
Frank is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat:
a head of cabbage,
10 Jalapeno peppers,
40 walnuts and peanuts,
a box of Grapenuts cereal,
5 pounds of spicy sausage,
20 in-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce,
and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
Frank asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it will teach you what your a ss is for.
| Unable to post | |
|---|---|
| Reason: | You must log in before you can post |
Good Jokes Only!!!
Back to Top of this Page
Back to Fun and Games.
Back to Forum List.