A man was having problems with premature e jaculation, so he went to see his doc.

The doc suggested that the man could solve his problem by startling himself whenever he thought that he was going to come.

So, the man went directly to a sporting goods store and bought a starter pistol. Then he went home to try the doctor's advice.

When he got home, he found his wife waiting for him on their bed,... naked! So he ripped off his clothes and began making love with her. Eventually, they wound up in the "69" position and then the man felt an enormous urge to come, so he cranked off a few shots with his new starter pistol.

They next day, he went back to the doctor and reported his results. He said, "It didn't work out for me, Doc! When I fired the pistol, my wife crapped on my face, bit 3 inches off my willy and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

Lmaooooooo they r going worse!

Element Name: WOMAN

Symbol: WO

Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)

Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and mayfreeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands

LM F A O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PMFSL!!!!!!!

Weight loss program

Just how badly do you really want to lose weight?

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads: "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10lb. as promised.

(continued)

He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign round her neck that reads: "If you catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot!

This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze, so for the next four days, the same routine happens.

Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.

(continued)........

...........

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone - "This is our most rigorous program."

Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7ft black man standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads:

"I'm Geoff . If I catch you, you're mine..."

Edited at 07:49 Tue 26/09/06 (BST)

LMAO!! Love that one!!

ME TOO PMFSL STELLA

A man went to the doctors...he was going to get his p*nis looked at.

So he walks into the room, he pulls it out and the doctor says " whats the problem with it then?"

He replies:" f**k all, but its a cracker innit??"

A baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What'll ya have?"

The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."

ONe day, the Mr. SOFTY ice cream truck passed by... DAMN HE NEEDS SOME VIAGRA!

Bob and his wife were on their way to the airport and passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer.

Bob's wife glanced up at it and announced, "I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her."

"No," Bob corrected, "If I drank a six-pack, you'd look like her."

LOL

PMSL HAAHAHAHAHA

Sorry girls i have done girlie jokes, but..............

If a motorcyclist runs into a woman, who is to blame?

The motorcyclist. what the hell was he doing in the kitchen?

One for the oldies,,,,,,,,

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference.

On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.

Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"

The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."

LMFAO

LMAO