Why don't sharks eat clowns?

Because they taste funny

I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning.

That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.

There's these animals in a restaurant. The waiter comes over at the end of the night to collect for the drinks.

The skunk says, "Don't look at me, I haven't got a scent."

The duck says, "Just put it on my bill."

The cow says, "You'll have to ask one of the udders."

The deer says, "I had a buck last week and I'm expecting a little doe soon."

The giraffe says, "Well, I guess the high balls are on me then."

LMFAO, LOL nice on m8

PMSL

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!pmsl

One day little Susie went into her back yard and found her dog Muffles lying dead with its legs up in the air. She asked, "Daddy, Daddy why is Muffles legs in the air?" Thinking quickly, her dad replied, "This way Jesus can come down and take Muffles to heaven easier."

The next day when Susie’s dad came home she ran up to him and said, "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today." Flustered, her father said, "Honey what happened?" And Susie said, "Well Mommy's legs were up in the air and she was screaming 'Oh Jesus I'm coming I'm coming' and if it wasn't for the milkman holding her down she would have been a gonner."

LMFAO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THT ONE M8 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

PMSL HAHAHAH

PMSL Great that one LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems
with his sex life.

The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but didn't seem to
be getting a clear picture of the problems.

Finally, he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while
you're having sex?"

"Well, yes, I did once."

"Well, how did she look?"

"Oh boy, she looked VERY angry!"

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting
somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look
into this further.

Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's
face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it
occur that you saw her face that time?"

"She was watching us through the window."

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, let me give you an analogy;
there's 3 kinds of breasts. In her 20's, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30 to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "So mum, how
many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, let me give you
an analogy. A man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30 and 40's! , it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

WOOOOOOOOOOO PMFSL!

lmao...love it

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BRILLIANT M8, keep em coming there gr8

PMSL they are great hahahaha

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.
He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of theroom.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his willy hanging out.
I thought I told you to call your Mom!" she said.
"I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

LOOOOOL LMAO!!! lol well done m8

Little Johnny was passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeked in and caught his folks fcuking. Before his dad could even react, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

Relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, Daddy agreed. Johnny hopped on and Daddy started going to town. Pretty soon Mommy started moaning and gasping.

Johnny cried out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"