Jim: Hey Carl, what you getting your wife for Christmas?
Carl: A dress and a car
Jim: Why?
Carl: Cos if she doesn't like the dress she can drive the car instead, what are you getting your wife for Christmas?
Jim: Slippers and a d ildo
Carl: Why?
Jim: Cos if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fcuk herself!

Edited at 16:09 Tue 12/09/06 (BST)

LMFAO!

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals, a carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist, were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter decided that he would saw the slats off their bed. The electrician figured that wiring the bed with alternating current would give them a few chuckles.

The dentist would not tell the others what he had done, and wore a sly grin, simply suggesting that his gag would be a memorable one.

The wedding and reception went as planned. A few days later, each of the groom's three friends received a letter which read as follows.

Dear friends,

We didn't mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback. But, I swear to God Almighty, I'm going to kill the idiot who put Novocain in the K-Y Jelly.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOo

One for the Girlies....

There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.

85% of women think their a$$ is too big...

10% of women think their a$$ is too little...

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.

HAHAHAHA

An Avon lady was alone in an elevator when suddenly she had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer.

Two floors later, Bob got on the elevator. He began to sniff, and the Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something?"

"Well, yes I do," he replied.

"What does it smell like?"

Bob answered, "I'm not sure, but it kinda smells like someone s hit in a pine tree."

PMSL!

What do you call a donkey with one leg?
A wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes?
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano?
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love while breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes, playing piano and driving a truck?


FCUKING TALENTED!

L M F A O !!!!!!!!!


Oh hahahahaahahahahaaa

good init?

See if you can do this and read each line aloud:

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat


Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top. Now don't you feel stupid?

OMFG! LMAOOOOOOOOOO


Thanks!!!!!!!!

OMG i now feel like a .............

A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

A lady golfer is stung by a wasp. She goes to look for the greenkeeper and finds him.

"I've been stung by a wasp", she says.

"Where did it get you?", he replies.

"Between the 1st and 2nd hole."

"Well, I think your stance must be a little too wide."

PMSL @ Them Stella hahahahaha

Me too lmao

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

Woooooooooooo lmaoooooooooooo





Ur late with the jokes!!!!!!

man has 50 note tottoed on his ?
his wife says y have u done that
he says for 1 i like 2 c my money grow
2 i like 2 play with my money
3 i ilke having money in my hand and last but not least next time u want to blow 50 quid u can stay home and do it