A husband found himself in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife angrily told him, "Tomorrow there better be something for me in the driveway that goes from zero to 180 in five seconds flat."
The next morning, the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new set of bathroom scales.
Visiting hours for the husband at the hospital are limited due to the extent of the injuries.

PMSL!


(Welcome back Stell)

LMAO!!!

Come on Stella, u have been away long enuff!

lol

Who makes more money a drugdealer or a hooker?

A hooker because she can wash her crack and re use it.

this is gonna be a long one but ill give it a go

Ok theres 3 men on a aeroplane english man,scotish man, ireland man, The english man said i hate my country and chucked out a grenade.
the scotish man chucked out a Bomb, The ireland man chucked out his only bomb and said i will blow up the world. When the english man got home he found a little boy out side. the english man said why are you crying the boy said "my burger king got blown up bye a grenade".
When the scotish man got home he found the same and this time the little boy said "Some donkey thorugh out a grenade and blew my house up".
When the ireland man got home he found a little boy laughing and the irsh man goes "why are you laughing" and the little boy said "my dad farted and blew up the world"

My fingures hurt now but thanks


Edited at 19:34 Mon 4/09/06 (BST)

hehe good one gg_wp

When Ralph first noticed that his p enis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks his p enis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be cured through corrective surgery.

"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.

"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.

"Well," said the wife coldly, "You are planning to lengthen Ralph's legs, aren't you?"

LMFAO PLAYED

haha classic

A blonde was tired of being blonde and constantly being the subject of all those dumb blonde jokes. She finally dyed her hair brunette.

Elated she decided to take a drive through the country to celebrate her new life. Going past a field of sheep (she loved sheep) she stopped and asked the farmer "If i can guess how many sheep in your flock, can I have one?"

The farmer laughed and said "Sure, lady" she gazed out for a few seconds and said "There's 1,973 sheep"

The farmer said with Amazement "Your're right! Go and pick one out"

On her way back to her car she was stopped by the farmer yelling "Hey lady! If I can guess your real hair color can I have my dog back?"

Have you heard the one about the thread called
'look at my bros gte'
in General chat?

had me in stitches

Edited at 10:17 Tue 5/09/06 (BST)

A man was driving home late one night and was feeling very horny.
As he was passing a pumpkin patch, his mind started to wander. He thought to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around for miles.....
He pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a nice, juicy looking pumpkin, cut the appropriate size hole in it, and began to screw the pumpkin.
After a while he really got into it, and didn't notice the police car pulling up.
The cop walked over and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realise that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
The man looked at the cop in complete horror, thought fast and said, "A pumpkin? My goodness, is it midnight already?"

What do you call a nun on a washing machine?

Sister Matic

lol

LMFAO!

An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.

The farmer and his wife had worked hard, they scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large mustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.

On the back of the photo he scrawled, "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"

Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"

P M F S L !

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.