Gud jokes ppl......lol


Stella, u will have to tell me the one that got removed tho lol

One day three ducks were swimming in a pond when a police officer pulled over the first duck. The officer asked, "What's your name and what are you doing here?"

The duck replies "My name is Quack and I was blowing bubbles in the pond."

The officer saw no reason to ask anything else so he let him go. The officer then pulled the second duck over and asked, "What's your name and what are you doing?"

The second duck replied, "My name is Quack Quack and I'm blowing bubbles in the pond."

The officer then let him go as well. The third duck swam by and the officer said, "Let me guess, your name is Quack Quack Quack and you were blowing bubbles in the pond too."

The third duck said, "No, my name is Bubbles."

LMFAO!! stella - thats the first joke thats made me laugh in a while

P M S L !!!!

What's the mating call of the blonde?

"I'm sooo drunk!"

What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?

(Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

OI YOU!!!!!.................lmfao!

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.

After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's a rse.

While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.

Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.

"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"

EW!

lmaoooooooo =\

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?


You can't hear an enzyme.

lmao stella - i have to congratulate you for cheering me up when everything seemed bad

Tesco's have brought out a new Indian Meal

It's a Chicken Tarka


It's like a Tikka but it's a little 'Otter

LMFAO @ that one

A newly married man put his elderly father into a nursing home. A week later, the man and his bride went to visit the father.

As they were walking up to the home, they looked through a window and spotted the father sitting in a chair watching TV. All of a sudden, the father started to lean forward, and a nurse ran right up and pushed him upright.

Then he starts leaning to the left. Again a nurse rushes over and pushes him, upright.

A moment later he starts leaning to the right. This time two nurses push him back upright.

The newlyweds enter the home, to vist with the father. "How do you like it here?" asked the son.

"It's not so bad," replied the father, "I really like it here. My only complaint is that they won't let you fart!"

Lmao,tho im sure you have done that one or one similar

A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is
reading the paper.
"Where does poo come from?" she asks.
The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is
already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:
"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.
"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the
good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we
go to the toilet, and that is poo."
The little girl looks shocked, and stares, at him with a watery eyes in
stunned silence for a few seconds and asks:
"And Tigger?"

ROFL, where do u get all these from stella?

OH PMSL!!!!

A certain guy had never had sex in his life, so his friend told him that he'd take him to a girl that would teach him a few things. He agrees.

Later that week, he's in a room with the girl. She takes off her clothes, and asks him, "Do you know what I want?" He says, quite honestly, "No.". She lies down on the bed, and asks him the same question again. Again, he answers "No."

Now, she's not sure exactly what to do, so she spreads her legs all the way; we're talking spread-eagle. She asks, "Now do you know what I want?"

He answers, "Yeah. You want the whole f uckin' bed to yourself."

Ive nearly wet myself laffing at that!!(for real)

ROFL, they keep getting better and better