Hey all--

Some of these jokes are getting a little bit crude and vulgar in nature. Not all jokes have to be sexual in nature to be considered good. Try to keep it family-friendly, please?

I totally agree Katie, even i shall apologise profusly, being guilty of posting one or two risque ones myself.

So im really sorry if anyone has been offended by any of my jokes on here.


Right back to jokes.........

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever

come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

LMAO @ That..



You heard the girl..BE NICE!!

Lol Stella

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking??"

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts??"

PMSLLLLL


Edited at 05:56 Mon 9/07/07 (BST)

LMAOOOO Good one

LMAO KATIE

An Irishman applying for a blacksmiths job was asked if he had any experience in Shoeing horses.

He said " NO, but i once told a Donkey to go away" !

PMFSLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Q: Why do farts smell?

A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.

haha good ones hairy

hahaha

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after its been eaten !!.....Its called a Wedding Cake !!

Quite apprropriate given the current cicumstances

Awwww, that one is horrible!!

LMAOOOOOOOOO SEE! Make sure Carl reads that one!

What gets wetter as it dries?

A towel

If you are Polish when you go into a bathroom and Polish when you come out, what are you while you are in?












European!!
(Being a Pollock from Chicago, it gets me every time)

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says,


"Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"


The drunk looks back and says,
"Yes, preacher, I sure am."


The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right backup.

"Have you found Jesus?"
the preacher asks.

"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says,

"Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I have not, reverend."

The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone,

"My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher,

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

OH LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO