HA HA HA HA Keep 'em coming bab (STS)

A man came home from work early one day, and found his wife naked and panting on the bed.
"Honey," she said, thinking quickly, "I think I'm having a heart attack!"
While rushing to call the doctor, he nearly stumbled over his crying four year old, who told him there was a naked man in the closet. He ran to the closet, opened the door, and there was his best friend.
"Damn it, Dave" he shouted, "Jill's having a heart attack and here you are scaring the hell out of the kids!"

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"
"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."
"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."
"It's a big rooster," she said.
The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

HAHHAHAHAHA

hahahahahahahahahahhaahahaha

A man walks into a bar...........OUCH!!



hahahaha

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"

She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."

After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says gain "Man! My hands are really freezing!"

She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up."

He does, and again that warms him up.

After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night.

When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"

She looks at him and says, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, DON'T YOUR EARS EVER GET COLD?"

A man and woman are seated next to each other on a plane. After takeoff, the woman violently sneezes and excuses herself to go to the bathroom... so the man stands up to let her out.

She returns, and 15 minutes later she sneezes again big time, and again excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

She returns again, and immediately sneezes, excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

The man, a little tired of jumping up so often...asks her: "You keep sneezing, what's the problem?"

The woman replies: "I have a rare condition...every time I sneeze I have an orgasm."

He says, "Oh... what are you taking for it?"

She says: "Pepper

P M F S L AT BOTH OF THEM wooooooooooooooooo(Squeezy Icon) Go Girls!

Q: What's the definition of an Impotent Loser?
A: A guy who can't even get his hopes up.

lol

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"

Who are the most decent people in the hospital? A: The ultrasound people.

Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.

Me hot water heaters packed up so I had to fill the bath using a kettle and a load of saucepans... Mind, it was effing uncomfortable when I got in.

50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p.

I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed." I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"

Sum Daft 1 Liners

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @ The Daft one liners

Worst joke ever!

Worse that, what did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

DAM

Oh GOD *cringes* PMSLLL

What do you call a 6ft Gorilla, carrying a machine gun and wearing ear muffs?

Anything ya like cos he cant hear you

L M F A O

sunderland

they had me in stitches especially the prostitute one LMAO

Where's Stella!?

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the " Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot.

He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

"Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck!"





WOOOHOOOOOOO LMAO!!