A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Cracked me up

A man goes to a marriage counselor and says, "My wife isn't as much
fun as she used to be."
The marriage counselor says, "Do you still enjoy a roll in the hay?"
The man says, "As much as the next fellow."
The counselor says, "Maybe between you and the next fellow, she's
exhausted."

Wooooooooooo (Squeezy icon)

LYLAL Stell

Sorry ppl, this has just done me in LMFAO

Paddy and his wife are lying in bed one night, and the neighbours dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy said "bugga this" and storms of downstairs.....5 minutes later he comes back upstairs, and his wife says "what did you do" Paddy said "I've put the bugga in our garden, see how they like it" !

OMG ROFL

IM PMSL @ THAT

Q: What is the last thing each Tickle Me Elmo doll receives before he leaves the factory????

A: Two Test Tickles

Duuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr LMAO!

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an
escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt
was stuck in the crack of her @rse. So I pulled it out, and she turned
around and punched me in the eye!"

"I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "But how did you get
the second black eye?"

"Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "So I
pushed it back in."

hehehe

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your feet so gross?"
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose.
"What's wrong with your knees?" She asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said. "smallcox

Did you hear about the woman who has five legs?

Her knickers fit her like a glove!

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A Convict breaks into an house and ties up the Husband and his Wife.He jumps on the wife,kisses her ear,the runs to the bathroom.Thehusband whispersto his wife;satisfy him,or he will kill us.I saw the way he kissed you,just be strong,I love you,The wife replies he didnt kiss me,he whispered in my ear he is erm,horny and looking for vaseline. I told him its in the bathroom,Lets see whos erm strong now

PMFSL

A Rich bloke from Barnsley, goes to the Jewellers and says "can tha mek us a gold statue of me dog"?

Jeweller said " Does tha wnt it 18 Carat"

Bloke says " NO, chewing a bone, ya daft bugga"

PMFSL!

Lmao at them stella!!!

There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to
the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after
day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to,
so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.

So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."

The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"

P M F S L @ THAT