I think he needs to remove the constant can from his mouth!


And paula, that was awful! lmao!

heard it before lol

Q. What do a Catholic priest and a Christmas tree have in common?

A. They both have balls that are just for decoration.

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "the balcony."

that is funny

gd 1 stella

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromatize, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, ....cont...

pine, cajole, Anglicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in the free world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, and start again.

HOW TO SATISFY A MAN:
Show up naked with food.

PMFSLLLLLLLL

Or Beer Stell!


LMAO

Awww , see, now there is is woman who knows a mans heart !!!!!

How do you locomote a woman? Does it mean to go at her like a train through a tunnel?

PMFSL! OOER!

Lmao at them stell!

a cop on a horse say's to a little girl on a bike, "did santa get you that?", "yes" replies the little girl.
well tell him to put reflector lights on it next year and fined her £5.

the little girl looked up at the cop and said " nioce horse you got there, did santa buy you that?". the cop chuckles and says "he sure did". well said the little girl, "next year tell santa the di ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

lmfao i love that joke

little boy playing with his train, his mum overhears him saying " all you b@startds getting off, fu ck off. all you b@stards gettin on hurry the fcuk up".
she send him to his room for 2hrs until he learns to be nice 2 passengers. when he starts playing again 2hrs later, mum hears him say "those disembarking, mind the step & have a nice day, those boarding enjoy your journey and those upset at the 2hr delay, blame the fat bi tch in the kitchen!".

.. i can just imagine my lil cousin doing that lmao

a son asked his dad, "whats the difference between theoretically and realisticly", his dad replies " well son, if you ask your mum if she'd sleep with the milkman 4 £1 million." "yes" she replies. "ask your sister if she'd sleep with the paperboy for £2million.
"yes" she replied. " well son, theres you answer, theoretically we're sat on £3million and realistically we're living with 2 sla gs"

?...

(Crying laffing ..i think)

PMSL @ Them Shaun