there was a fat le$bian, she went to a weight watchers class, the teacher said to all the people there 'you are what you eat', so the fat le$bian replied ' are you calling me a tw@t?'

lmfao WOO!

Q: Why does Michael Jackson wear a pair of boys underwear on his arm?

A: Its a patch. Hes trying to quit

A man sees a fine looking woman at a bar. He steps over to her an says, "Hey baby, let me suck on your nipples."
She says, "Watch it buddy, I?ll have my boyfriend kick your a$$."
He laughs and says, "Alright, why don?t I just give you a big sloppy kiss then."
She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my man kill you."
"This is my final offer", he says, "I?ll hold you upside-down, pour beer into your pu$$y, and drink from your c u n t."
She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to lick her t1ts.
He yells, "I?ll kill him!"
She then tells him he was going to kiss her. By now he?s p1ssed and starts walking in his direction.
She says, "Wait! He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour beer down my tw@t, and drink from me!"
Her boy friend stops and say?s "Sorry babe, I can?t fu ck with anyone who can drink that much beer."

Good: I got paid and got laid
Bad: I got the girl pregnant
Ugly: My nephew is my son


Good: Lost my job today
Bad: My wife left me for another man
Ugly: It was the b@stard who fired me

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?" George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He?s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on when I pee, and then poof! the light goes off when I?m done." "Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "That?s incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George?s wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he?s great. But I had to call because I?m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off?" George?s wife exclaimed, "That old fool! He?s peeing in the refrigerator again!".

There is a guy named Steve, he is a tall, strong and very attractive guy ? but unfortunately he is also a simpleton.

Steve is sitting on a rather empty train across from a hot lady wearing a tight mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear.

The woman realizes he is staring and asks, ?Are you looking at my pu**y??

Steve feels guilty and apologizes ?Yes, I?m sorry. I promise I won?t look at it again.?

The woman turns back, but after a while smiles and looks back at him and says ?Hey! It?s quite alright?it?s very talented, watch this, I?ll make it blow a kiss to you.?

Sure enough the pu**y blows him a kiss.

Steve, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pu**y can do.

?I can also make it wink,? says the woman. Steve stares in amazement as the pu**y winks at him.

?Come and sit next to me,? suggests the woman, pattin

That one's not finished! ^^^^^^^

LMAO - its not finished

Silly boy

SHAUN! U have to put that can of booze down ffs.....

Gud Jokes Mate

A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow
£200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what
kind of collateral he has. The man says 'I've got a
Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off
-- here are the keys.'

Six months later the man comes into the bank, pays
back the £200 loan, plus £10 interest, and regains
possession of the Rolls Royce.

The loan officer asks him, 'Sir, if I may ask, why
would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow
two hundred dollars?'

The man answers, 'I had to go to Europe for six months,
and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that
long for ten quid?'

Clever eh?

VERY! Lmaooooo

humpty dumpty was sat on the bed
little bo peep was giving him head
as soon as he came she started to weep
she knew by the taste he'd been fu*king her sheep!

BLOKE JOKE!

Dont get married! just find a women u hate, buy her a house! its a lot easier on u!

(to the tune of "submarine" by the beatles)

we all live in a yellow submarine,
we didnt like it yello, so we painted it green,
we didnt like in green, so we painted it red,
the red wasnt waterproof and now we're all dead!

Men r like...the weather, Nothing u do will make a difference!

Men r like...chocolate bars, Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for ur thighs!

Men r like...mascara, they run at the first sign of trouble!

Men r like...snowstorms, u never know when they're coming, how many inches u'll get or how long they'll last!

Men r like...blenders, U know u need one but ur not quite sure y!

sowwi cghaops 2 dwk.. ill post wm 2niz

Finish the joke!!!!

Two Tomatoes walking across the road, one says "Look at that lorry" SPLAT!
"Where?" SPLAT!













(Pmfslllllllllllllllllll i love that one!!!!)

oh dear, oh dear, oh dear