At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young
man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and
everything.

When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his
fork, held it up and smirked: 'Is this pig?'

Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: 'Which end of
the fork are you referring to?'

Lmfao

this is well tite i wo drunk when i posted thos jokes lol its me sexi_uk_lad

You need to read over the forum rules mate

*tuts and shakes head.....STS*

Sorry

it wont my fault i wo drunk

Ok

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

"What size?" asks the clerk?

"Gee, I don't know."

"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the
crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and
leaves quickly.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4.
Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays,
and leaves.

A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.

"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't
know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him
and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"

Aaaah, I see, you were banned for posting dirty jokes when you wo drunk! What did you post? (Clean it up if needs be to avoid further censure) (although it may be too late for that!)

Edited at 18:35 Mon 19/02/07 (GMT)

Mrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes
home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall.
The next day, she says to the painter, "You wanna see where
my husband put his hand last night?"
He sighs and says, "Look, lady, I got a tough day's work ahead
of me. Why don't you just make us a cup of tea?"

Oh this is a diamond LMFAO @ this

Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her son coming home from school. The boy's in a bad mood,
and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow.
Once inside, his mother says, "I saw what you did, young man! For kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, and for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."
Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.
The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna tell him, or should I ?"

lol made me laff thanks Stell x

np, i'll have some more later.

good!

You girls will love this....

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her
full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner.

The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach.

Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her,
his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft
murmurs of assurance.

He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly
released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of
surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh.
He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly
taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements
deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need.

cont......

Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had
gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy
was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment,
she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!"
Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made
only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met
his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes.

And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned.
Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again
and again and again............


DON'T YOU JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES?

haha woo!

OMFG...PMSL!!!

P M F S L!!!