LMAO!


Remember not to use anymore abbreviated curse words. Thanks.

Edited by forum moderator katie_bug, at 14:17 Thu 11/10/07 (BST)

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down £500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."

Just a wee note to remind all members thats this is a family site so keep the jokes clean.

Sorry Lorrie if that was aimed at me, didn't mean to offend anyone!

Cheeky git isnt he!

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He?

PMFSLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL @ THAT

Page 3 !!!!!!!!! i normally like page 3 as well, but not here

An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died,
so she took them to the taxodermist.

"So you want them mounted?" asked the taxidermist.

To which she replied: "No. Holding hands will do just fine."




Try not to use anymore abbreviated cursing. Thanks!

Edited by forum moderator katie_bug, at 16:46 Mon 8/10/07 (BST)

Husband: Want a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what?

A Welshman is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

The doc says "Have you tried counting sheep?"

"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to
find it."

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, 'Pardon me, ma' am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.'

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, 'No he didn't . He just walked in the door.'

There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Take seven lemons and squeeze them into a glass and then drink it."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said "NO, but it will wipe the smile off of your face."

Just answered the door to a six foot beetle, who smacked me over the head with a baseball bat, and told me to sod off !!!

Just thought you should know theres a nasty bug going around !

Lmao good joke!!

good jokes only?? and gotta be clean? awww wrong thread sass! *tuts* Lol

Edited at 21:43 Tue 9/10/07 (BST)

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini.

After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double martini.

Finally, the bartender said, 'Look, buddy, I'll bring ya martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.?

The customer replied, 'I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home

Edited at 11:19 Thu 11/10/07 (BST)

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, since it was payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days'??

To which he replied. 'That would be fine with me'.?

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Oucch! lol

Edited at 11:26 Thu 11/10/07 (BST)

What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick,
tick'?

'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'

Lol thats an old one hun!

Hahahahahaha!! Cute ♥

I think this one has already been said, but I still like it!

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge".


Hehehehehe!!!