The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, 'Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?'

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, 'You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!'

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, 'Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?'

Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, 'Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!'

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, 'Anybody?'
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, 'The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.'

Mrs. Parks said, 'Very good, Billy,' then turned to Mary and continued. 'As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:...........

Edited at 18:47 Thu 5/06/08 (BST)

.........One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework And Three, one day you will be very dissapointed

A guy bought his wife a fur coast made from 3600 hamster skins
He took her to Blackpool n couldnt get her off the big wheel for two days

PMSLLLLLLLLLL

Birthday Present
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

cont...

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real nasty one tonight, Dave."

Edited by forum moderator katie_bug, at 17:22 Thu 19/06/08 (BST)

LMAO @ Them!


The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping out one night. Tonto, after having a very bad dream, woke up to see the stars up above him. He woke the Lone Ranger and said to him, "What you think?"

The Lone Ranger replies reassuringly, "Well, Tonto, it's like this, God gives us miracles in life. Each day is a new beginning, just like every night there's a new star in the sky. What do you think?"

Tonto looks at him, confused and says, "Tonto think someone stole tent."

BERT'S BOOTS
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. He's an elderly man
and figures he's not getting any younger. So seeing some on sale one day,
he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.

He walks into the house and says to his wife: 'Notice anything different
about me?'' Margaret looks him over, 'Nope' she says. Frustrated Bert
storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room
completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder
this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Margaret looks up and says, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down
today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again
tomorrow.'
Furious, Bert yells, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?''
'Nope', she replies.
Bert Yells 'CAUSE IT'S LOOKIN' AT MY NEW BOOTS'
To which Margaret replies... 'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, Shoulda bought
a hat.'

lmao

I've just come out of a chip shop eating a pie, and there was a tramp sat on the floor outside, and he said.....

" I have eaten nothing for 3 days"

I said " I wish i had your bloody willpower!!"

lol so do i *holds in belly*

I went into that same fish and chip shop and as soon as i got there a fight started....

some fish got battered

Paddy is doing his crossword when he gets stuck. he shouts...........

"Oi Murphy, what is a flightless bird from Iceland, 6 and 7 letters ??"

Murphy shouts back "Oh dats easy paddy...its a Frozen Chicken"

*slaps head* for flips sake

hehe im gonna use that though

There was a boy called Paddy Waddy and his music teacher said " Paddy Waddy do you play an electric guitar or an acoustic guitar". and Paddy Waddy said " I play on an electric guitar how can you play on a cue stick". do you get it.

yeah....
i thought the punchline was gonna come from the name Paddy Waddy.....more the waddy bit

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

Q. What can a Cow do that a Woman can't?

you need to pm me for the answer

THE PERFECT HUSBAND
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN:'Hello'
WOMAN:'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'
MAN:'Yes'
WOMAN:'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'
MAN:'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'
WOMAN:'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked.'
MAN:'How much?'
WOMAN:'39,000'
MAN:'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'
WOMAN:'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £1,950,000' for it.
MAN:'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 1,800,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 150,000 if it's really a pretty good price.' .......................

............
WOMAN:'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'
MAN:'Bye! I love you, too.'

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'

Jim decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.

So they loaded up Jim's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house'

'Don't worry,' Jim said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing...............