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Deleted User
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06:01 Fri 1 Dec 06 (GMT) [Link]
Q. How do you give a blind qu££r a thrill?
A. Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. No ball room
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the
factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have s£x.
Q. What's the speed limit of s£x?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
hope ya like em, not posting anymore till tomoz now, off out on the town for an all dayer
seeya peeps
A. Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. No ball room
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the
factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have s£x.
Q. What's the speed limit of s£x?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
hope ya like em, not posting anymore till tomoz now, off out on the town for an all dayer
seeya peeps
Deleted User
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10:27 Fri 1 Dec 06 (GMT) [Link]
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife also.
The doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies:
"She choked."
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife also.
The doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies:
"She choked."
Deleted User
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13:01 Sat 2 Dec 06 (GMT) [Link]
A guy was typing away at his home computer, when his six- year-old daughter sneaked up behind him.
Suddenly, she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
Suddenly, she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
Deleted User
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06:33 Sun 3 Dec 06 (GMT) [Link]
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
Deleted User
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09:56 Mon 4 Dec 06 (GMT) [Link]
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please".
The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join
the circus?"
The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".
The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join
the circus?"
The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".
Deleted User
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11:14 Mon 4 Dec 06 (GMT) [Link]
lmfao like em stella
An older man goes to the Doctor in desire of a prescription for Viagra. The Doctor looks over the man, and says, "Viagra can be very dangerous and we do not just dispense it indiscriminately, Please bring your wife to my office next week and we'll discuss this in more detail. So the following week he shows up with his wife. The Doctor asks to see the wife by herself for a few moments and she follows him back to the examining room. The doctor asks her to disrobe and she does. He then asks her to turn around in 360 degrees a few times then instructs her to get up on the examining table and to turn in various positions. He then tells her she can get dressed and goes out to meet the Male Patient. "Sir," The Doctor Says, "There is nothing wrong with you, I couldn't get an erection either.
An older man goes to the Doctor in desire of a prescription for Viagra. The Doctor looks over the man, and says, "Viagra can be very dangerous and we do not just dispense it indiscriminately, Please bring your wife to my office next week and we'll discuss this in more detail. So the following week he shows up with his wife. The Doctor asks to see the wife by herself for a few moments and she follows him back to the examining room. The doctor asks her to disrobe and she does. He then asks her to turn around in 360 degrees a few times then instructs her to get up on the examining table and to turn in various positions. He then tells her she can get dressed and goes out to meet the Male Patient. "Sir," The Doctor Says, "There is nothing wrong with you, I couldn't get an erection either.
Deleted User
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09:24 Tue 5 Dec 06 (GMT) [Link]
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing (Eh Stephy)
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing (Eh Stephy)
Deleted User
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13:03 Tue 5 Dec 06 (GMT) [Link]
Since their wedding day three years earlier, Cindy had been nagging Bill to tell her about his past. "Come on, tell me," she pressed. "Just how many women have you slept with?"
"Honey, if I told you, you?d just get mad."
"No, I won?t. I promise. Please, tell me."
"Well, okay. Let?s see. One, two, three, four, five, you, seven, eight...."
"Honey, if I told you, you?d just get mad."
"No, I won?t. I promise. Please, tell me."
"Well, okay. Let?s see. One, two, three, four, five, you, seven, eight...."
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Good Jokes Only!!!
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