A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants
Well, he said, I've been seeing this girl for a while and shes really hot I want the condoms because I think tonights the night
Were having dinner with her parents, and then were going out. And Ive got a feeling Im gonna get lucky after that. Once shes had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack
The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree
He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating
The girl leans over and says, You never told me that you were such a religious person.
He leans over to her and says, You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."

PMSL HAHAHAHAHA

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for £10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

This is sooooo funny..........

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.

ITS STUPID!!!!! PMFSL but thats what MAKES it funny.........One of them that make me go....OH! Duuuuuuuuur them pmsl

Oh yes this is a classic......

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.

But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl.

He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.

The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: "I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone"

PMSL good one stella

O M F G !! Ur mad! just Mad!

*Chants* Stella gizza joke Stella gizza joke*

A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of monkeys on board, bound for Chester Zoo
They need to be delivered by 9 am and the
driver fears he will get the sack if they dont get there on time. He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually an Irish lorry
driver pulls over
Where are they going asks the Irish chap.
Do us a favour mate and take these to Chester Zoo for me says the driver, and here's a hundred quid for your troubles
Happy days, says the Irish fella, loads the monkeys onto his truck and gets on his way
The driver goes about trying to fix his truck and is there for a good few hours when he notices the Irish man coming back down the motorway,
still with all the monkeys on board. Panicking, he flags him down again.

Cont....

Edited at 10:45 Wed 21/06/06 (BST)

Continued......

"What are you playing at," he fumes, "I told you to take them to Chester
Zoo!"

"I did," says the bemused Irish fella, "but there is still fifty quid
left
so now we're going to Alton Towers."

PMSL HAHAHA like that 1 stella

Man goes to the Docs and says, hey I've an orange willy.
Doc says What! i'll have to look that up, could be stress.
Man said cant be, i have a great job with a great salary.
Doc says, it could be your marriage.
Man says nope ive never been happier, since the wife left.
Doc says what about you social life?
Man says, dont really have one.
Doc says, well what do you do in your spare time
Mans says....watch p orn and eat wotsits.

LMAO

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck.Suddenly a really ugly guy, and I mean one R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw. Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, 'Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women - what's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night - What's going on?' 'Well,' Said the Barman, 'I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows...

P M F S L



*thinks to herself, he's craaaaazzzzyyyy*

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.
"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

PS I am NOT mad

Awwwwwwwww (holds laff in)




PS Ok ok ur not mad! I meant it in a funny way tho hahaha

Edited at 07:30 Thu 22/06/06 (BST)

hahahaha stellaaaa thats kinda mean....funny tho

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."