Good Jokes Only!!!
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Deleted User
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10:28 Tue 24 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
Just hope Tids doesn't see that joke definately gonna get deleted
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11:36 Tue 24 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The judge then said, "I will then give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The judge then said, "I will then give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
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12:02 Tue 24 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
Funny in a demeaning way!
(Happy lunchtime, Stella! )
(Happy lunchtime, Stella! )
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12:22 Tue 24 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
Not you, Stella! Not ever. I just meant that the joke is funny, but... only in a way that more men will enjoy it more than women. o_0
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16:01 Tue 24 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
Man says "Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation"?
Doc says "Yes, of course".
Man says "Great! I never could before"!
Doc says "Yes, of course".
Man says "Great! I never could before"!
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16:03 Tue 24 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
OMG This is the funniest txt ive had .....sorry my sense of humour......
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
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16:22 Tue 24 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig.
A: A piiig.
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03:31 Wed 25 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
Pending Marriage
My Wonderful Girlfriend And I Had Been Dating for Over A Year, And So
We Decided To Get Married.
There Was Only One Little Thing Bothering Me.
It Was Her Beautiful Younger Sister.
My Prospective Sister-In-Law Was Twenty-Two, Wore Very Tight Miniskirts,And Generally Was Bra-Less.
One Day "Little Sister" Called And Asked Me To Come Over To Check The Wedding Invitations.
She Was Alone When I Arrived, And She Whispered To Me That She Had Feelings And Desires For Me That She Couldn't Overcome.
She Told Me That She Wanted To Make Love To Me Just Once Before I Got Married And Committed My Life To Her Sister.
Well, I Was In Total Shock, And Couldn't Say A Word.
She Said, "I'm Going Upstairs To My Bedroom, And If You Want One Last Wild Fling, Just Come Up And Get Me."
I Was Stunned And Frozen In Shock As I Watched Her Go Up The Stairs.
When She Reached The Top She Pulled Off Her Panties And Threw Them Down The Stairs At Me.
Continued........
My Wonderful Girlfriend And I Had Been Dating for Over A Year, And So
We Decided To Get Married.
There Was Only One Little Thing Bothering Me.
It Was Her Beautiful Younger Sister.
My Prospective Sister-In-Law Was Twenty-Two, Wore Very Tight Miniskirts,And Generally Was Bra-Less.
One Day "Little Sister" Called And Asked Me To Come Over To Check The Wedding Invitations.
She Was Alone When I Arrived, And She Whispered To Me That She Had Feelings And Desires For Me That She Couldn't Overcome.
She Told Me That She Wanted To Make Love To Me Just Once Before I Got Married And Committed My Life To Her Sister.
Well, I Was In Total Shock, And Couldn't Say A Word.
She Said, "I'm Going Upstairs To My Bedroom, And If You Want One Last Wild Fling, Just Come Up And Get Me."
I Was Stunned And Frozen In Shock As I Watched Her Go Up The Stairs.
When She Reached The Top She Pulled Off Her Panties And Threw Them Down The Stairs At Me.
Continued........
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03:32 Wed 25 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
I Stood There For A Moment, Then Turned And Made a Bee-Line Straight To The Front Door. I Opened The Door And Headed, Running, Straight Towards
My Car!
Lo And Behold, My Entire Future Family Was Standing Outside, All Clapping, Cheering Wildly And Applauding!
With Tears In His Eyes, My Future Father-In-Law Hugged Me And Said, "We Are Very Happy That You Have Passed Our Little 'Test'.....We
Couldn't Ask For A Better Man For Our Daughter. Welcome To The Family, Son!"
And The Moral Of This Story Is:
Always Keep Your Condoms In Your Car!
My Car!
Lo And Behold, My Entire Future Family Was Standing Outside, All Clapping, Cheering Wildly And Applauding!
With Tears In His Eyes, My Future Father-In-Law Hugged Me And Said, "We Are Very Happy That You Have Passed Our Little 'Test'.....We
Couldn't Ask For A Better Man For Our Daughter. Welcome To The Family, Son!"
And The Moral Of This Story Is:
Always Keep Your Condoms In Your Car!
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14:15 Wed 25 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
Kathy was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. ?Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do??
?Just stay in bed with me. He?s probably so drunk; he isn?t going to notice you here with me.? The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Kathy, so he trusted her advice.
Sure enough, Kathy?s husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
?Honey!? he yelled. ?What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!?
?Dear, you?re so drunk, you can?t count. If you don?t believe me, count them again.?
The husband got out of bed, and counted. ?One, two, three, and four? By gosh, you?re right, dear!?
?Just stay in bed with me. He?s probably so drunk; he isn?t going to notice you here with me.? The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Kathy, so he trusted her advice.
Sure enough, Kathy?s husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
?Honey!? he yelled. ?What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!?
?Dear, you?re so drunk, you can?t count. If you don?t believe me, count them again.?
The husband got out of bed, and counted. ?One, two, three, and four? By gosh, you?re right, dear!?
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14:22 Wed 25 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
A boxing champ who lost both his legs 2 years ago in a car crash as made a successful come back.his record is now 5 fights without defeet
Deleted User
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14:26 Wed 25 Apr 07 (BST) [Link]
thats from stan hibbert
good jokes btw
stellaman said:
OMG This is the funniest txt ive had .....sorry my sense of humour......
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
thats from stan hibbert
good jokes btw
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Good Jokes Only!!!
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