in the event of a fire ,please read below











not now you daft so and so,only in events of a fire

LMAO......i love it...hahahahaha, yep i fell for it

PMSL

A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.

The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt off and bra off, and throws herself on him.

"Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed. So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Here you go, you crazy biatch, iron this."

Ha Ive heard that one.....Cheeky Git!!

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after its been eaten !!.....Its called a Wedding Cake !!

HAHHAHH

The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable.
The three of them decide to duck inside.
On the way in one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway.
"Jesus Christ!" he says.
Joseph says, "Quick, Mary, write that down! It's a hell of a lot better
than Clyde!"

HAHAHHAHHHAH

Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?

A: Santa Claus walking backwards.

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

what do you call a fly without any wings ??





......... a WALK !!!!

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

LMAO@ Both

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date
said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to
blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.

Continued........

Once he was gone the mother turned to the father.
The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!"
The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"

lmao

ha ha

EW OMG





















PMSL

IM PMSL @ THAT!!!