What did one eye say to the other eye?























Between us, something smells

Duuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr HAHHAH

I went to the zoo the other day, but when i got there i only saw one animal. it was a small dog.

it was a Shih Tzu

Edited at 12:09 Fri 20/04/07 (BST)

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening."

Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly, then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks, "Aahhhhh!"

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks.

"No... I just realised that the doctor had *both* his hands on my shoulders!"

why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a tragedy?




becasue a Nova has 4 seats

Q. What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A. Swim!

O M G !!

there are 3 women die and go to heaven, when they get to the pearly gates St Peter says to them "have a a good time but DONT step on any chickens" so they go through the gates and one of them steps on a chicken and she gets tied to an ugly man with warts no muscles n stuff like that, the second one does exactly the same and she gets tied to an ugly man with warts no muscles, the 3rd one doesnt step on a chicken in years and one day this big handsome man with big muscles and a six pack comes along and he gets strapped to her and she says "What did i do to deserve this" and the man said "I dont know but i stepped on a chicken.

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, Hey Dave! How ya doin'?
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. Oh no says Dave. He's on my bowling team. When they are seated a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says How did she know that you drink Budweiser? She's in the Ladies Bowling League honey. We share lanes with them. A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy? Dave's wife now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs calling him every-

-name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says Looks like you picked up a real b1tch tonight Dave.

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

Yo mamma's so fat, when she went to the beach, the whales sang "We are family!"

Yo Mamma's so far, a friend showed her a picture of her feet.

She didn't recognize them.

Yo mamma's cross-eyed, she threw a rock at the ground and missed!

A blonde and a brunette both jumped off a cliff at the same time. Which made it to the ground first?

The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

lol good 1 m8

also a good 1

little boy : mummy is god a girl or a boy?

mummy: why god is both girl and boy

little boy: mummy is god black or white?

mummy: why god is both black and white

little boy: mummy is god g@y or strait?

mummy: why god is both g@y and strait

little boy: mummy is god Michael Jackson?

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small.

The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

The teacher reiterated a whale could not
swallow a human; it was impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."