get me a mars bar!!

ooooo goes in freezer and finds 2 magnums...no1 will miss these muahahaha anyway thought this was a jokes thread

i know move this chat 2 general chat lol

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."

cont...

"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

LMFAO....LOVE IT!!!

What do you call an Irish man hanging from the ceilling?



































Sean DeLeer

Q: Why did a blonde take a ladder to the bar?








































A: Because she heard that the drinks were on the house

Oh dear, its come to these jokes has it??

Right then.... Did you know the famous Irish Double Glazing salesman ??

His name is Paddy O'Doors

Or the famous Bulgarin wrestler

Pullabolockov


Or the famous Russian snooker player

Inovzecush

What do you call an Irish man who keeps banging into things?
























Rick O'Shea

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,

"Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once,and I need something to keep me horny.. keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and says,

"Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."

The guy says, "Gimme three boxes."

The next day the guy walks into the same pharmacy goes up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants.The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's c0ck is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places. The man says,

"Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."

The pharmacist replies,

"You're not going to put Deep Heat on that are you?"

The man says,

"No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

PMFSL!!! LOVE IT!!

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 101, 103, 401 and 601?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "BBC, ITV, Sky Sports and the Cartoon Network!"

Hahaha!! Good one!!

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large
supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my girlfriend here
in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of
minutes?"

"Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my girlfriend
appears out of nowhere."

Edited at 17:12 Mon 5/02/07 (GMT)

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.

The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once
Upon A Time?"
And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin
with 'If Elected I promise...'"

A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up
in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?"

"Hell no!" the guy said.

The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your
crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"

The man said, "Of course not."

"Wanna go camping?"