This little boy was at school one day and had to use the bathroom really bad. So he raised his hand and told the teacher he had to use the bathroom really bad. She said ok well let me hear your ABC'S first so he started saying them" A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z and the teacher said that's great but where's the P at he said it's running down my leg!

hehe

pb, I've heard of that one, but it's been a while!

Loving that one!!

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a
bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION
ALL" and farts loudly.

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at
the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my
wife."

The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.
She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls
around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The
drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of
vomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"

lol
two blondes walk into a building....u would have thought one of them would have seen it

lmao pool

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

There's been a theft at eurodisney. A man has been arrested for taking the mickey.

oh my goodness, pb. The first one is so wrong.

lmao at the eurodisney!

HAHAHAHAHA

PMSL

George had led an average life and wished to go to heaven when he passed on. However he had sinned throughout his life. Drugs, sex and alcohol were the three he had commited, so George decided he should seek forgiveness from god and he spoke to him. God of course found a solution and said 'if you can go without these 3 for the next 3 weeks you shall be forgiven' George thanked him for this kindness and went to sleep.

Three weeks passed and George spoke to god again, 'forgive me god for I have sinned' he said, 'I have given up the drugs and not taken alcohol but the sex was one I couldn't give up, i saw my wife bent over by the freezer and I just couldn't resist' God was not pleased. 'They wont like that in heaven George' said God. 'I know' replied George, 'They didn't like it in Tesco either!'

lmfao squezzy

Tesco?

ASDA if you prefer...


*Thinks of other public places with a freezer*

oh, okay

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

LMAO