OMFG This made me PMFSL.........

My wife went to a very bad rock concert out in the Far East.

Singapore?

Terrible. Yes, and the rest of the band were rubbish too.

A sex therapist was doing research at the local college when one of the male volunteers told him, "When I get it in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get it all the way in, I can't see a thing."

"Hmmm...that's an interesting optical reaction to sex," said the researcher. "Would you mind if I had a look at it?"

So the volunteer stuck out his tongue!

HAHA!

One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"

So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"

Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said

"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonaise on me"!

LMAO STELLA ive never met someone who can tell so many good jokes


keep them coming bud

I was at the police station last night being done 4 drink driving.
Urine sample was positive so I nicked the sample.
They are now doing me 4 taking the p iss

oh dear..........

DAVID Hasselhoff walks into a bar and says to the barman:

"I want you to call me David Hoff".

The barman replies:

"Sure thing Dave... no hassle."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Loved it!

ur posts "all the one's"

Hops on one leg !!

Great stuff stell! had me pmsl

Q: Why did the mushroom go to the party







A: Because he was a fungi!!






N.B:This should be told in a mexican accent.

A man, his wife and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.

The undertaker told them, 'You can have her shipped home for £5000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for £150.'

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, 'Why would you spend £5000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only £150?'

The man replied, 'a man died here 2000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.'

OMG! Thats bad
















PMFSL

No offence Claire.....

Q. Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
A. Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.

Lmao none taken hun!

There were two prawns, James and Christian, swimming along the bottom of the ocean. James accidentally rubs up against an old lantern and whoosh, a genie appears and grants James two wishes.

After a moment's thought James decides that he wants to becomes a shark so as to gain the respect of all the creatures of the sea. Whoosh, James becomes a shark and swims off.

Two weeks later James is upset. All of his old friends are now afraid of him and his life is miserable. He decides to use his second wish, and he wishes to be a prawn once again. Whoosh.... Now a prawn once more, James swims away to look for his mate Christian.

When he arrives at Christian's house he knocks on the door and shouts out for Christian. "Go away", says Christian, "you're a shark and you'll just eat me"........



oh this is good....



"No I won't", shouts James, "I'm a prawn again Christian".

Lmfao!! Lurve it!!

HAHAH Stella now ur here..More jokes..plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

An elderly couple is sitting in church. The woman says to her husband, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?" The man turns to her and says, "Well, you can start by changing the battery in your hearing aid."