Bush Has a Short One

Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. Madonna does not have one. And a priest does not use his. What is it?
A last name.

Clinton's Boxers


Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers?
To keep his ankles warm!

Clinton after Coitus

What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary Clinton after having sex?
"I will be home in 20 minutes, dear."

Some Topical Bobbitt Humor

Did you hear Lorena Bobbit was almost killed in a traffic accident?
Some dick cut her off.

The Redneck-Unabomber Connection

What does a redneck girl and the Unabomber have in common?
They've both been fingered by their brothers.

Politician Walking

Q: What do you do if you see a politician walking down the road with half a head?
A: Stop laughing and reload.

Sexual Congress

What do you get when you have 50 le.s.b.i.a.ns and 50 congressmen in a room?
A roomful of people who don't do d*ck!

History Remembers Bill Clinton

Q: What will history remember Bill Clinton as?

A: The President after Bush!

Clinton's Finished Now

Q: How do you know Bill Clinton is done having sex?

A: You have to wipe the Whitewater off your dress...

Clinton's Bookmarks

Q: Do you know why Bill Clinton doesn't use bookmarks?

A: Because he likes to bend pages!

Clinton's Protection

Q: What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection?
A: "Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door."

Inoffensive Nicknames for Breasts

1) Chest Trays

2) NFRU (Not for Recreational Use)

3) Pastor Baiters

4) Mounds of Shame

5) Heavenly Canteens

6) Pearly Weights

7) Hooteronomies

8) Pizza Pizza

9) Sweater Undulations

10) The Daughters of Lactiticus

11) Racks of Lambs of God

12) Communion Woofers

13) First and Second Mammalonians

14) Pamela''s Burdens

15) Beelzeboobs

Stoopit Pickup Lines

1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
2. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
3. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
4. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
5. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
6. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
7. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
8. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
9. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
10. Baby, you must be tired cuz you have been running through my mind all night!!

Lightbulbs vs Pregnant Women

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Lightbulbs vs Pregnant Women

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Breakfast in Bed

Why do drunks throw up in the sewer?
So homeless people can have breakfast.

5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

Stoned Drunk

How does one become stoned drunk?
Drink wet cement.

Blonde Mating Call

Q: What is the mating call of a blonde?
A: "I'm soooo drunk."

A Blonde, the Beach, and...Beer?

Why doesn't the blonde want to drink beer on the beach?
Because she doesn't want to get sand in her Busch.