CLASSIC JOKES
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16:43 Tue 9 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
G@y Pick-Up Line
Did you hear about the new pick up line going around the g@y bars?
"May I push in your stool?"
Did you hear about the new pick up line going around the g@y bars?
"May I push in your stool?"
16:44 Tue 9 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
The Perfect Woman
Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a bar.
Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a bar.
16:44 Tue 9 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Middle East Policy
Why was former President Clinton so interested in the events in the Middle East?
Because he thought the Gaza Strip is a topless bar!
Why was former President Clinton so interested in the events in the Middle East?
Because he thought the Gaza Strip is a topless bar!
16:46 Tue 9 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
The Cookies Crumbled
What is green and yellow and lies in a pile of cookie crumbs?
A beat-up girl scout.
What is green and yellow and lies in a pile of cookie crumbs?
A beat-up girl scout.
16:47 Tue 9 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Boy Scout
Why did the boy scout get kicked out?
He was caught eating a brownie!
Why did the boy scout get kicked out?
He was caught eating a brownie!
16:47 Tue 9 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Dolly Parton's Kids
Q: How can you find Dolly Parton's kids in a crowd?
A: They're the ones with the stretchmarks on their lips.
Q: How can you find Dolly Parton's kids in a crowd?
A: They're the ones with the stretchmarks on their lips.
16:48 Tue 9 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Good, Bad, Worse
Good: Your children are sexually active.
Bad: With each other
Worse: And your wife.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: Getting arrested.
Worse: By your husband
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: The techer is a he.
Good: You go home for a quickie.
Bad: you get caught by your wife
Worse: You're with her sister.
Good: Your children are sexually active.
Bad: With each other
Worse: And your wife.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: Getting arrested.
Worse: By your husband
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: The techer is a he.
Good: You go home for a quickie.
Bad: you get caught by your wife
Worse: You're with her sister.
16:49 Tue 9 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To have hot sex with the perverted farmer.
To have hot sex with the perverted farmer.
16:07 Wed 10 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
This Joke is Bananas!
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: What are you shaking about, its me she's going to eat.
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: What are you shaking about, its me she's going to eat.
16:08 Wed 10 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Vaguely Obscene Nun Jokes
What is black and white and green and black and white?
Two nuns fighting over a sweaty pickle.
What is black and white and grinds up and down, up and down?
A nun churning butter.
What is black and white and screams "YES! YES! YES!"
A nun winning at BINGO.
What is black and white and pink and hard?
A nun stopping, lifting her habit up to her shins, and sratching her ankle bone.
What is black and white and gooey and creamy?
A nun eating a bowl of Tapioca pudding.
What is black and white and makes a wet, sucking sound?
A toothless, elderly nun eating a Communion wafer.
What is black and white and green and black and white?
Two nuns fighting over a sweaty pickle.
What is black and white and grinds up and down, up and down?
A nun churning butter.
What is black and white and screams "YES! YES! YES!"
A nun winning at BINGO.
What is black and white and pink and hard?
A nun stopping, lifting her habit up to her shins, and sratching her ankle bone.
What is black and white and gooey and creamy?
A nun eating a bowl of Tapioca pudding.
What is black and white and makes a wet, sucking sound?
A toothless, elderly nun eating a Communion wafer.
16:09 Wed 10 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Pope + Hooker = Mirth
Did you hear the one about the Pope and the smokin'-hot hooker?
Despite the strumpet's aggressive offers to fellate him, the Pontiff maintained his holiness and prayed nightly for her soul.
Did you hear the one about the Pope and the smokin'-hot hooker?
Despite the strumpet's aggressive offers to fellate him, the Pontiff maintained his holiness and prayed nightly for her soul.
16:11 Wed 10 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Tarzan's Kipling-esque Treatise
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
Hark! I shall soon be swimming in a veritable river of pachyderm seed!
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
Hark! I shall soon be swimming in a veritable river of pachyderm seed!
12:55 Thu 11 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Work Blows
What's the difference between a wife and a job?
After ten years the job still sucks!
What's the difference between a wife and a job?
After ten years the job still sucks!
12:56 Thu 11 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Signs You're Burned Out
10. You're so tired you now answer the phone, 'Hell.'
9. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, 'Get off my back, bitch!'
8. Your garbage can IS your 'in' box.
7. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
6. You have so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to pee.
5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
4. You sleep more at work than at home.
3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.
2. You blasted your Daily Planner with a .357 Magnum a week ago, but still haven't been able to miss a meeting.
1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.
10. You're so tired you now answer the phone, 'Hell.'
9. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, 'Get off my back, bitch!'
8. Your garbage can IS your 'in' box.
7. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
6. You have so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to pee.
5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
4. You sleep more at work than at home.
3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.
2. You blasted your Daily Planner with a .357 Magnum a week ago, but still haven't been able to miss a meeting.
1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.
12:58 Thu 11 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Priests and Christmas Trees
What do Christmas trees and priests have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration!
What do Christmas trees and priests have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration!
12:58 Thu 11 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty at Xmas
1. Did you get any under the tree? 2. I think your balls are hanging too low. 3. Check out Rudolph's honker! 4. Santa's sack is really bulging. 5. Lift up the skirt so I can get a whiff. 6. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake? 7. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy. 8. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real. 9. Can I interest you in some dark meat? 10. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
1. Did you get any under the tree? 2. I think your balls are hanging too low. 3. Check out Rudolph's honker! 4. Santa's sack is really bulging. 5. Lift up the skirt so I can get a whiff. 6. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake? 7. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy. 8. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real. 9. Can I interest you in some dark meat? 10. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
12:58 Thu 11 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Vaguely Obscene Nun Jokes
What is black and white and green and black and white?
Two nuns fighting over a sweaty pickle.
What is black and white and grinds up and down, up and down?
A nun churning butter.
What is black and white and screams "YES! YES! YES!"
A nun winning at BINGO.
What is black and white and pink and hard?
A nun stopping, lifting her habit up to her shins, and sratching her ankle bone.
What is black and white and gooey and creamy?
A nun eating a bowl of Tapioca pudding.
What is black and white and makes a wet, sucking sound?
A toothless, elderly nun eating a Communion wafer
What is black and white and green and black and white?
Two nuns fighting over a sweaty pickle.
What is black and white and grinds up and down, up and down?
A nun churning butter.
What is black and white and screams "YES! YES! YES!"
A nun winning at BINGO.
What is black and white and pink and hard?
A nun stopping, lifting her habit up to her shins, and sratching her ankle bone.
What is black and white and gooey and creamy?
A nun eating a bowl of Tapioca pudding.
What is black and white and makes a wet, sucking sound?
A toothless, elderly nun eating a Communion wafer
12:59 Thu 11 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Priest vs. Homosexual
What is the difference between a priest and a homosexual?
The way they say ahhhh-men.
What is the difference between a priest and a homosexual?
The way they say ahhhh-men.
13:00 Thu 11 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
L e s b i a n Harem
What do you call a l e s b i a n with ten girlfriends?
A Bush Hog
What do you call a l e s b i a n with ten girlfriends?
A Bush Hog
13:02 Thu 11 Aug 05 (BST) [Link]
Religions of the World
Taoism: Sh*t happens.
Buddhism: If sh*t happens, it's not really sh*t.
Zen: What is the sound of sh*t happening?
Confusianism: Confucius says: sh*t happens
Islam: If sh(t happens, take a hostage.
Protestantism: Sh*t happens because you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism: Sh*t happens because you're bad.
Judaism: Why does sh*t always happen to us?
Hare Krishna: Sh*t happens rama rama.
TV Evangalism: Send more sh*t.
Atheism: No sh*t.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good sh*t happening.
Jehovahs Witness: Knock, knock, sh*t happens.
Christian Science: Sh*t happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe sh*t happens, maybe it doesn't.
Stoicism: This sh*t doesn't bother me
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this sh*t.
Taoism: Sh*t happens.
Buddhism: If sh*t happens, it's not really sh*t.
Zen: What is the sound of sh*t happening?
Confusianism: Confucius says: sh*t happens
Islam: If sh(t happens, take a hostage.
Protestantism: Sh*t happens because you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism: Sh*t happens because you're bad.
Judaism: Why does sh*t always happen to us?
Hare Krishna: Sh*t happens rama rama.
TV Evangalism: Send more sh*t.
Atheism: No sh*t.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good sh*t happening.
Jehovahs Witness: Knock, knock, sh*t happens.
Christian Science: Sh*t happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe sh*t happens, maybe it doesn't.
Stoicism: This sh*t doesn't bother me
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this sh*t.
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CLASSIC JOKES
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