i new a blonde once she got ded chuffed wen she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 10 days becoz on the box it sed 2 to 4 years haha

Breakfast in Bed

Why do drunks throw up in the sewer?
So homeless people can have breakfast.

G@y Pick-Up Line

Did you hear about the new pick up line going around the g@y bars?
"May I push in your stool?"

Beer and Women

Q: What's the difference between a beer and a woman?
A: You can have more than one beer and not feel guilty.

Stoopit Pickup Lines

1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
2. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
3. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
4. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
5. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
6. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
7. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
8. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
9. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
10. Baby, you must be tired cuz you have been running through my mind all night!!

The First Lady's patriotic duties

What do George Bush's wife and the American flag have in common?
They both go down in the name of the president

ESL 'N' Enron

Why has the Enron scandal been so hard on ESL teachers?
Because they now have to explain to their students why "to LAY" is worse than "to F*CK"!

Osama's Spawn

What did Osama name his last daughter?
Camela - after her mother.

Virgins in Caves

What do you call a cave-dwelling virgin?
Never Bin Laidon

Osama = Crabs?

What do Osama bin Laden and crabs have in common?
They both irritate Bush.

Gore & Pantyhose

What do Gore and Pantyhose have in common?
They both irritate Bush.

George W. Bush was caught breaking

George W. Bush was caught breaking the White House dress code by wearing blue jeans.
Bill Clinton responded by saying, " I never broke the dress code. I just didn't wear pants at all."

Current Administration

Q: Why are people so scared about the current administration?
A: Because we're being ruled by a Bush, a D*ck, and a Colin.

Times When the F-word Was Appropriate

People get really upset when you use the "F" word. So much so, that I can't even write the full word out, but have to referto it as the "F" word. However, despite what many educators, and pious people believe, there are times when the "F" word just makes sense. And that is why we are bringing you ... TIMES WHEN THE "F" WORD WAS APPROPRIATE
"What the F was that?" -- Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where did all these F'ing Indians come from?" -- General Custer"
Any F'ing idiot could understand that." -- Albert Einstein
"It does so F'ing look like her!" -- Pablo Picasso
"How the F did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras
"You want WHAT on the F'ing ceiling?" -- Michaelangelo
"I don't suppose its gonna F'ing rain?" -- Joan of Arc
"Scattered F'ing showers my @ss." -- Noah
"I need this parade like I need a F'ing hole in my head." -- John F. Kennedy
"Who the F is going to know? " -- Bill Clinton

Saddam Hussein

What did Saddam Hussein have in common with his father?
Neither knew when to pull out!

Lightbulb... Arkansas

How many Arkansas policemen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, Clinton does all the screwing!

Clinton's Music

Q: Why did Bill Clinton give up the saxophone?

A: Because he had a hor-monica.

Politics and Golf

Q: What golfing what foursome do you never want to be behind?
A: Monica Lewinsky because she's a hooker; O.J. Simpson, since he's a slicer; Ted Kennedy -- he can't drive over water; and Bill Clinton, because he'll go for any hole.

Clinton's Favorite Card Game

Q: What is Bill Clinton's favorite card game?

A: Poker.

Clinton's Lingerie

When did Bill Clinton go to Victoria's Secret?
When the panties were half off!