a brunete fond a lamp and started to rub it and out popped a genie.he said u have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for blondes get twice as much.she says ok.she says my first wish is for a billion dollars.he says as u wish she has a billion dollars.all the blonds have 2 billion.she says i wish for 100 sexy guys.he says as u wish.now all the blondes have 200 sexy men.she says see that stick over there beat me half to death with it

u saw that joke on the ricky gervais simpson

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Edited at 14:17 Sun 14/05/06 (BST)

Once upon a time, there was a man who came home very late and very drunk every night. His wife decided to teach him a lesson, so she dressed up like Satan and hid in the dark to scare him when he got home.
When he finally came stumbling across the lawn, his wife jumped out in front of him and howled like a demon. He just looked at her and slurred, "You don't scare me; I'm married to your sister!"

What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!
What a man hears:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON, blah, blah, YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW.

A dog LIMPED into a wild west saloon and announced "i'm looking for the man that shot my paw"

hehe good jokes evry1

A little boy called Andy was very fond of toffee and would eat at least 5 packets a day. One day his mother said "Andy, you'll need to stop eating so much toffee or else you will become big and fat".
So the next day he was on the bus sitting next to a fat woman (turned out she was pregenant). he looked at her and started winking at her. after 20 minutes of this the woman said "Why are you winking at me, do you know me or something?"
to which Andy replied "No, but i know what you've been doing".

My dad called me one day, he said "come here one day.

go to the butchers and ask him for a sheeps head, and tell him to leave the eyes in, cos they got to see us through the week.

I said to the butcher " have you got a sheeps head ? He said " no boy, its the way i comb my hair"

hahaha

what do u call a bunch of whites running down a mountain? avalanche

what do u call a bunch of blacks running down a mountain? mudslide

what do you call a bunch of hispanics running down a mountain? jail break

Edited at 23:06 Mon 15/05/06 (BST)

stella dont get ur joke

I was packing for a business trip and my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and poked one of her fingers at me.
I put her tiny finger in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna bite your finger off!" I pretended to gobble up the finger then turned to get on with my packing. As I turned again there she was standing on the bed staring at her outstretched finger with a perplexed look on her face. I said, "What's wrong, darling?"
She replied, "Where's my bogey gone?"

My blonde wife decided to show me how clever and capable she is by decorating a couple of rooms while I was at work. I arrived home to the smell of fresh paint and found her on the floor of the living room, lying in a pool of sweat, wearing both a parka and a leather jacket. I asked her what she was doing and she replied that she wanted to prove to me how resourceful she was by painting the rooms. Puzzled I asked “But why are you wearing a parka and a leather jacket?” She pointed to the directions on the paint tin, which read, ‘For best results, put on two coats’

LMFAO!!

What do u call a dog with no legs..... ?

Anything , it's still not gunna come...

Edited at 21:47 Tue 16/05/06 (BST)

LMAO hahahaha lovin em