Double post soz..joke on other page

Edited at 16:21 Tue 6/06/06 (BST)

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!"

The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."

The bartender opens the door and looks in. You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!

Im sure Cue posted Stella joke in another thread or page?? =S

Edited at 17:48 Tue 6/06/06 (BST)

no i didnt find the page and show me ...... then i will believ u

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered.

She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.

The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare, and walked directly toward him.

Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20 under one condition."

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.

The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket, and slowly counted out four $5 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.

He looked deeply into her eyes, and slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my house."

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

brazil are palying scotland in a world cup warm up game, before the game ronaldinho says"look i can play this lot on me own u all go for a drink, il c u later" so the res of the team leave and later in the pub they check the teletext and its one nil to ronaldinho, they check teletext again with 5 minutes to go and scotland have just equalised. so they go back to the dressing room and fing big ron with his head in his hands, hes clearly guted cafu asks him y hes so upset and he says" im sorry guys i let u all down" but cafu says " dont be so stupid u held of 11 men for 85 minutes thats brilliant, but ron says "its not that, i should never have got myself sent of after 12 minutes"

The 7 dwarfs were in a bath, they were all feeling happy, so happy got out.

Two old drunks were really lapping them up at a bar one night.

The first old drunk said, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand."

"So," says the second drunk, "What's your point?"

"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

Welcome to the The Humor Vault.
Solely devoted to Jokes, Jokes, and more Jokes. Enjoy!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. "They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line.

"Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."

L M F A O! ohh Stella ur coming out with some words now hahaha
Its all gud i love these jokes

PMSL stella one of the rare times im getting funny looks for laughing out loud!

I do it all the time doc hahahahaa they are soooooooo funny these jokes! I wuv this thread too

Morning Stella

Morning Paula.......

Queen Nyteshade had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This to incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day. Small medium at large

NEW DEPT. OF TRANSPORT DIRECTIVE NOW IN OPERATION.

As of June 1, 2006, the new D.O.T. directive against poor and dangerous drivers is in full operation. The scheme targets drivers who tailgate at high speed, don't give way at roundabouts, undertake on motorways, etc, etc, etc.

Police are now stopping these drivers and (so that other motorists and police officers can easily spot them) forcing the drivers to attach a white flag with a red cross to their car. The worst drivers are being forced to carry two or three of these flags.

The scheme will run until around mid-June, when the flags will be removed in disgust.

Edited at 08:26 Wed 7/06/06 (BST)

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

lol Stella

pmsl martin!!