Escaping the Fire

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in.

The firemen yell to the Brunette,

"Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"

The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away... the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead.

"Oh.....no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.

"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"

"OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH!

The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell,

"Jump! You have to jump!"

"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Not until you put the blanket down and back away!" yelled the Blonde.

Skydiving

Barbara was taking her first skydiving lesson. The instructor told her to jump out of the plane and pull her rip cord, explaining that he himself would jump out right behind her so that they would go down together. Barbara understood and was ready.

Just before it was time for Barbara to jump out of the plane, the instructor reminded her that he would be right behind her. She jumped, and, after being in the air for a few seconds, pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed her out of the plane.

He pulled his rip cord but the parachute didn't open. As he struggled to pull the emergency rip cord, he shot downward and darted past Barbara. Seeing this, Barbara quickly undid the straps to her own parachute, and yelled after him, "So you wanna race, huh?!"

An english tourist asks an irish fisherman:

"Why do Scuba Divers always fall backwards off their boat into the water?"

To which the Irishman replies:

"If they fell forwards they'd still be in the bloody boat!"

ooops......sooorrrrrrryyyyyyyyy

Edited at 12:52 Sat 29/05/10 (BST)

Edited at 12:53 Sat 29/05/10 (BST)

Aussies : )

1) Why wasn't Jesus born in Sydney?
They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin.


2) What's an Australians idea of foreplay?
You awake?


3) What's a Tasmanians idea of foreplay?
You awake, mum?

4) What is the Australian animal that most resembles the Australian male? The wombat, because he eats, roots, and leaves.

5) Why do so many Australian men suffer premature ejaculation? Because they have to rush back to the pub to tell their mates what happened!

6) What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? An Australian man will actually search for a golf ball.

An Englishman, an Irishman and an Australian walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of bloody joke?"

: )

what do you call Gandi with pink hair? Gandi floss lol

Ive just PMSL @ that

ok paula try this 1 for size........

blonde and her fella sitting at home watching tv when news reporter says.......
"two brazilian men were tragically killed in a skydiving accident this afternoon...."

the blonde starts sobbing "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"

confused, her fella says "Yes dear it is sad but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

after a few minutes the blonde, still sobbing, says,

"How many is a brazillion?"

Hahaha good one Hippes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

A man was walking past a building site and was surprised to see three big Irish labourers holding hands and dancing round a hole in the ground.

'What's up?' he asked the foreman, 'Is it someone's birthday?'

'No,' said the foreman, 'it's the third anniversary of the hole.'

LMAO!

Even tho am a blonde i luuurve the blonde jokes yano hahahahaha

Those new 3D televisions are very realistic. I fell asleep watching a Liverpool game and when I woke up my wallet had gone

HAHAHAHA ^^^^^

A guy was hitch-hiking on a very dark and stormy night. The night was getting on and no cars went by. Suddenly he saw a car roll slowly toward him and stop.

Without thinking about it, the guy jumped into the back seat and closed the door when he suddenly realized there was nobody behind the wheel! Just then the car started slowly rolling forward again. He was beginning to get really freaked out when he noticed a curve in the road ahead. He was just thinking about climbing into the front seat when a hand mysteriously appeared through the window and moved the wheel.

The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time right before a curve.

Gathering his courage, the guy finally jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went to a restaurant and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same rest- aurant. They were looking around for a table when one said to the other, "Hey, look, isn't that the jerk who got in the car when we were pushing it?"

LOL , i like that ^^^ stokie

Got this one from a Penguin biscuit wrapper


Why did the two penguins jump up and down when they first met?

First joke:

There is a new hotline number for disappointed english fans.
080 41 41 41 41

OR............

There is a new hotline number for disappointed english fans.

0800 1 0 1 0 1 0