Liverpool City Centre was sealed off yesterday after police found a suspicious object in a car.

It was later confirmed to be a tax disc.

Little John asked a long-distance telephone operator, "Could you tell me the time difference between Singapore and New York?" Operator replied, "Just a minute." Little John said, "Thank you." And he put down the phone.

A huge erruption has been reported in Iceland, apparently caused when someone told Kerry Katona that there were no prawns left




The Iceland Government were forced to apologise yesterday over the issue of compensating customers who lost money when the banks went bust.

In a statement an official said "We can confirm that we misread the request from the UK Government to send them cash, and we did indeed send them ash by mistake."

What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?

LMAOOOOOOOOOO

LOL

Yo' mama is SO fat, that when she got cremated, fights all over europe got cancelled...

A man walked into the office kitchen one morning and
found a new blonde girl painting the walls.
She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,
"For best results, put on two
coats".

Edited at 18:18 Mon 26/04/10 (BST)

PMSLLLLLLLL

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire
herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch.
How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her
that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all
the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should.
She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde
came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Double post

ROFLLLLLLL

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.

She did this five more times and her neighbour, who was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box."

The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

Lmao @ these jokes haha


Smurf ~ Less of the blonde jokes

How To Annoy People:

1) Drop a pen and wait until
someone goes to pick it up and then scream "NOOO THAT'S MINE!

2) Wear a puppet on your
hand and use it to talk to other people.

3) Next concert you go to, yell
out "Mmmbop!" between every song.

4) Send emails to your friends with subjects reading, "You're never going to believe this!!!" Then leave the message part blank.

5) Tell a friend that she has
something on her face when she doesn't. Keep telling her to wipe harder.

6) When you go to pick
someone up, lean on the horn as you pull into their driveway. Don't stop until they're in the car.

7) When anyone says, "Can I
ask you a question?" say, "You
just did."

8) Make up a joke that takes
10 minutes to tell and has no
punchline.

9) Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall.
Complain loudly that you can
never find the book that you
want.

10) Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.

11) Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.

And finally....

12) Take a screenshot of your friends desktop, including icons, set it as the wallpaper and watch them try to open their files.

Edited at 01:44 Wed 05/05/10 (BST)

english man, irish man and a japanese man, all get washed up on an island.. english man says "right im in control here, ill go get the food, irish man you get the water, japanese man you get the supplies. and well meet back here in 1 hour". so they all go off in there different ways . 1 hour later only the english man and irish man are there. irish man says "where the japanese man" english man answers "i dont know, lets go have a look" as there walking through the forest they here a noise in the bushes. "whats that" they both ask. they get a little closer to the noise and suddendly.....

LMAO!!

Lol

I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore.