thats the end of my blonde joke list for tonight

A man and his wife are at the zoo. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a huge hairy gorilla. Noticing her, the gorilla starts bouncing around his cage. He jumps up on the bars and, holding on with one hand, grunts and pounds his chest.
The hubby, finding this funny, suggests that his wife tease the poor ape. The hubby suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bum at him, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would raise the dead. Then, the hubby say's that she let one of the straps to her dress fall to show a bit more skin.
She does and Mr. Gorilla nearly tears the bars down. "Now, lift your dress up to your thighs and fan it at him," says the man. She does, driving the ape crazy to the point at which he starts doing flips.
Then, the hubby grabs his wife, throws open the door to the cage, slings her in with the ape and slams the cage door shut.

"Now tell HIM you have a headache."

any joke types any1 want to here

A brunette is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots a blonde on the other side. She yells over to the blonde "Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side?" And after a quick survey of the river, the blonde calls back "You ARE on the other side!"

Blonde Inventions
1. The water-proof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Water-proof tea bag

To get into heaven you had to walk up 100 stairs but on each stair god asks you a joke if you laugh you go to HELL. So the brunette gets to the 56th stair and bursts out laughing and gets sent to hell. Then red-head gets to the 97th stair and bursts out laughing and gets sent to hell. Then the blonde gets into heaven and bursts out laughing then god asked her "why are you laughing?" the blonde replied "I just got the first one!"

Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says, "I want to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude." They say fine, she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams, "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away. For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says, "What did she roll, anyway?" The second dealer says, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."

During a rock climbing expedition, an accident occurred, as some of the grappling hooks gave way. This left the eleven climbers clinging precariously to the wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on the Mountain. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the weight on the rope would cause more of the hooks to give way and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others. All ten blondes applauded.

A blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to lottery headquarters to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The blonde says, "I want my $20 million." The man replied, "No, sorry lady. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." The blonde said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The blonde, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

Three women worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, the boss left work erly. One day, the women decided that when the boss left they would leave too. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? The brunet was thrilled to be home erly. She did a little gardening, had some playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The rhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home erly and surprise her husband. But when she got home, she heard a mufled noise coming from inside her bedroom. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was sad to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door andcrept out of her house. The next day, at their coffeebreak, the brunette and redhead said they planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No she said. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

A blonde women started to work at a school as a teacher. It came to break time, and while she was on duty she noticed a girl standing on her own and thought nothing of it. Later in the day when lunch time came she noticed the same girl on her own again, while other children were enjoying a game of soccer. She decided to go over to the girl and asked her if she was alright, the girl replied "Yes" and the teacher said "Why are you always on your own here?" to which the girl replied "Because I'm the goalie!"

A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. "Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?"The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair that you should know five things.Number 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.Number 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.Number 3. I'm a six-foot-tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.Number 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.Number 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.She concludes by smugly asking, "Now think about it seriously, mister.Do you still wanna tell that joke?"The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five fking times."

A woman's husband comes home hammered every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone.

One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub.

It's getting late, big boy, she says after a few minutes. Why don't we go upstairs to bed.

We might as well, slurs the husband. I'm going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway.

HAHA

OMFG! pmsl Scotty where did u pop up from? took me ages readin all them but hahahah they are good
Even if i am blonde!!

*wonders*..........next up...

Peter met Sharon in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Peter to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.

Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other.

After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Peter's manhood. Surprised but appreciative, Peter comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more already?"

Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine."

thanks

haha nice joke stella

Yep! Good one Stella...............well you are the funny fella after all hehe

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...

a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...

a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...

a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.