Omg how low can you go by making sheep jokes. What have sheep ever done to you other than feed you with its meat and cloth you with there wool

Edited by forum moderator ab_rfc, at 00:15 Fri 29/04/16 (BST)

Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are all working on a construction site. It's lunchtime and they're all sat atop the building. Englishman opens up his lunchbox to see what his wife has packed him.

"Ugh... Ham and cheese sandwich... again. Im sick of ham and cheese sandwiches, it's the same every bloody day. If I get another ham and cheese sandwich in my lunch box tomorrow I'm jumping off the top of this building."

Next, the Scotsman opens up his lunch box.

"Aackk, jam sandwich... again. I cannee go on like this eating jam sandwiches every day of me life! If I get the same again tomorrow I'm jumping as well."

Next it's the Irishman's turn.

"Ohh for God's sake! Not another egg and cress sandwich! That's the fourth one in a row this week! I'm with you boys, one more egg and cress sandwich and I'm jumping!"

So next day they sit to have lunch. One by one they open up their lunch boxes... Englishman finds another ham and cheese sandwich, so off he jumps, and splats into the ground below. Scotsman finds another jam sandwich... Off he goes...Splat. Irishman, egg and cress sandwich... Splat.

A week later the three widows are talking at the memorial service. English widow says "I still can't believe it, had no idea George hated ham and cheese so much, if only i'd known..."

Scottish widow says "I didn't realise Duncan hated jam that much, I just wish he'd have let me know...."

Irish widow says "I... I just don't understand... Paddy made his own lunches"

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we're drinking together."

The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry you've lost a brother."

The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."

Haha, oh lord.

Edited by forum moderator ab_rfc, at 00:16 Fri 29/04/16 (BST)

Leave off the paddys guys

Irishman walks out of a bar...


Lol yeah right

a blind man was on a plane going to Texas. he sits down and says, "Wow, these seats are big!" the woman next to him says that everything is big in texas,

he goes shopping in texas and says, "Wow, these bags are big!" the sales assistant says that everythin is big in texas.

he goes to the hotel bar, orders a beer and says, "Wow, these mugs are big!" the barman says that everything is bug in Texas.

after a while he needs the toilet, so he asks the barman where the toilet is, to which the barman replies, "down the hall, third door on your right."

the blind man walks down the hall but misses the third door and turns into the fourth door, the swimming pool area.

he walks right into the pool and screams, "DON'T FLUSH! DON'T FLUSH!!!"

No points for second place. I already told that one!

Edited by forum moderator ab_rfc, at 00:18 Fri 29/04/16 (BST)

Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks them into the trolley

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife

'They're on offer, only £10 for 24 cans', he says

'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping...

A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man,

'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.

The man replies... 'so does 24 cans of Stella and it's half the price'

Edited by forum moderator ab_rfc, at 00:19 Fri 29/04/16 (BST)

Wife says to her Jewish husband "honey lemme have twenty dollars"

He says "ten dollars? What do you need five dollars for?"

Not on this thread you haven't, or am i going blind?

Edited by forum moderator ab_rfc, at 00:20 Fri 29/04/16 (BST)

You tell me, Mr magoo

Edited by forum moderator ab_rfc, at 00:20 Fri 29/04/16 (BST)

Haha what I will tell you is that you must be losing it

Some great gags guys and girls. Had me and me mate laughing at work. Keep em coming

Farmer walks into his living room carrying a goat under his arm and says "this here is the pig I been <removed>

His wife says "that ain't no pig, it's a goat"

He replies "I ain't talking to you"

Edited by forum moderator ab_rfc, at 00:24 Fri 29/04/16 (BST)