paddy goes to pizza shop and lady asks do ya want it cut into 6 or 8 slices............paddy replies "6 slices coz i dont think i could eat 8"

I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping:

I took my girlfriend into eight different pubs without getting a drink and then went back into the first pub and bought a pint

Roy Hodgson.............worst pool manager since Michael Barrymore

Howard Webb's kids have been in the papers denying their dad is a Man Utd fan.

"Our dad has always been a big football fan, but he'sa fan of the game and never had allegiance to any particular club. Any suggestions otherwise are extremely hurtful to our dad as a professional, and, to us as a family" stated his children George, Bobby, Alex, Eric and Cristiano

lmao


So Jordan and Alex Reid are getting divorced.

I'm 30 miles south of Glasgow, and I can hear Frankie Boyle laughing from here!

I wonder if people in Africa watch the Jeremy Kyle show and think <beep> me! I thought we had it bad?.

Dad, How did you meet mum?

Well son, It all started when she forgot to turn her light off on Take Me Out.........

Haha!

A guy broke in to my house last week. He didn't take the TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels! Sick person

A horse walks into a pub.
"Why the long face?" asks the barman.
The horse, unable to understand language, eats a beer mat.

*coughs*

Haha smurf I laughed at that!

Ha! Paula

I like Tinie Temper, but I prefered him in the Halifax adverts...

tinie tempah*

Quiet you!

Lmao

pfft.. old people

Ill "old" you in a minute...

i caught my misses in bed with my mate, i dragged him out by his hair smashed his face in and threw him out the window. turned to my lass and asked what she had to say for herself, following a big sigh
she said "tut...if you carry on like that you wont have any friends left!"

HAHAHAHA ! ! ! ! !

As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.

One night, while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes. To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten pound notes.

He asks his wife, "What's with all the notes?", to which his wife replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."

I was looking at the missus sleeping naked next to me this morning, which reminded me...



Its pancake day tuesday...