Haha I just spent 20 mins writing out a poem but deleted it! It was crap compared to those ^^^! I'll leave the poem malarkey to you lot I think.

How do you know LB? Might have been a masterpiece!

Subject title anyone?

How do mate, how about pot noodle, preferably Bombay

POT NOODLE


I get home from work and what do i see
My oaf of a man dossing on the settee
So i kick off my shoes, hang up my coat
Side eye him as he fumbles with the remote!

I go to the kitchen, dishes fill up my sink
I turn round to start, but he gives me that wink
He gestures me over and whispers in my ear
Im hungry for love Pau, but not today dear

In fury i stand up, hands on my hips
The cheeky get placed a finger on his lips
Come on baby, show me that special way
How you do my Pot Noodle, flavoured Bombay!

Now this^ is a masterpiece

Paula that's fantastic

OK I'll have a crack...

Bombay Pot Noodle

Stuck here on the sofa, the remote's been playing up,
No time to do the dishes and the sinks full of cups.
Suddenly the door opens, she struts in from the rain,
Walks into the kitchen giving me side-eye again.

Time to break the ice I think, I gesture her to where I'm sat,
I need a favour from her see, so I keep my voice all flat.
As she gets much closer, I whisper in her ear;
'I'm hungry for love Pau, but not today dear'.

She stands up quickly, hands on hips, doesn't look impressed.
I think she thinks I've wasted the day because I'm barely dressed!
But she's about to get irate, so in a subtle way,
I put a finger on my lips, and request the old Bombay.

Five minutes later, slurping and sucking, juices on me chin.
Twiddling the fork a lot, then shoving it back in.
Picking out the vegetables, noodles hanging down,
Loving the hot chilli sachet, that turns the juice all brown.

This is just an ode to the Bombay Bad Boy that I am,
She wouldn't have me another other way, as you can understand.
I finish up the pot, drinking the juices down until the dregs,
Skipping back onto the couch where I can rest my legs.

It's half past 3 and I cannot sleep
It's been a rough night, I've had a weep
I don't know why I waste my time
With these silly poems I try to rhyme

I'd like to make this sound sincere
What I need right now is a friendly ear
To tell all my troubles, to tell my woes
But i'll say it on here as it's starting to flow

I've been missing some ppl in my life of late
This corona virus is making us wait
My mum and dad were supposed to fly here
But instead in my heart I will hold them dear

A friend wanted to visit from far away
But in their home town they must stay
We message each other and have a good chuckle
But under this pressure it's starting to buckle

Then tonight online just as I log in
In the chat room was an awful din
Someone was trying to spread rumours again
All about me... when will this sh*t end!

love how Bombay got a good reception lmao nice work both

Great poem Lady Bird







That's actually just made me laugh haha, had to go one better didn't eh? EH? The Bombay Big Boy that'cha are!

New title (Lets see everyone have a go)

Title is: LFC

Lets have a go at me own title...*ahems*


Well what can i say about LFC,
The wonderful team from the best city
Champion League winners mighty red men
I guarantee you we will win it again

We have Jurgen Klopp the best manager ever
Van D'yke doesn't need to jump for a header
Then we have Trent a true scouse boy
Firminio who shoots without being coy

Oxelaide who dates Perri from Little Mix
Hendo our Captain has great ball tricks
What about Salah our Egyptian King
When hes on the pitch you here the fans sing

I could go on forever about a team thats so great
But I'll have jealous readers starting to hate(Lol)
So ill end this one here before other blub
But lets all hail Liverpool Football Club

LFC

You're taking a risk, if you're going to ask me,
To chuck something together, based on LFC.
Two penalties needed to beat us last week,
Surely their reign will soon hit it's peak.

About thirty years it took them to get over the line,
There's been a lot of whining throughout that time.
To be fair they've done very well in the champions league,
Whilst we suffered relegations and were somewhat besieged.

It's just certain people that I cannot abide,
Sky sports having Carragher with Souness at his side.
A dinosaur of the game, biased for all to see,
He's only ever negative about other teams.

I do love Jimmy Milner though - a true Yorkshire lad,
One of the best prospects that Leeds ever had.
Always follows our matches, drinking his Yorkshire tea,
I bet he was torn when they sneaked it 4-3.

I also like Jurgen, a true people's coach,
A nice piece in their programme as our match approached.
He's done wonders with some players, taken them to the top,
But please for our sakes, can it come to a stop!

What makes a scouser a red or a blue?
The amount of trophies won, or the house avenue?
Are there glory supporters, who wore blue and then red?
Who used to have Everton sheets on their beds?

I'm just joking you know, I'm not bitter I swear!
Whilst we declined in the leagues I didn't really care.
Fair play to the scousers, let it go to their heads,
I'd rather them win it than the Manchester reds!

W.U.M

There's a wind-up-merchant operating on the site,
Who makes up accounts and gets in virtual 'fights'.
Sending private messages when the day gets late,
Gives it the big one, and then deactivates.

I can't help but laugh lad, your probably just a boy,
Never been in an altercation, but this is your new toy.
Trying to get a reaction, but you've to be in bed by nine,
Wouldn't say 'boo' to a goose on the street, but oh so tough online.

Personally I have to laugh (I honestly laughed aloud)
As I suspect in the real world you'd fade into the crowd.
A wind up merchant is what you are, it just adds to the fun,
But I better be careful with my reply, else you'll go and get your mum.

If you want to send me a private message again, by all means go ahead,
I can see you chuckling to yourself in your wrestling-sheeted bed.
Lockdowns' probably hit you hard, no shops to hang outside,
So now you wind up people here and then go run and hide.

So this is for you my little pal, whoever you may be,
I'm already looking forward to when you reply to me.
And truth be told if you must know, this account is my only one,
Now listen close you little crank, pi$$ off and get your mum!

Speak with you again soon stranger

Edited at 14:28 Tue 22/09/20 (BST)

'Straight back at ya'
yer_numpty
Deactivated

An utter shame you subscribe to the notion that only weaklings or boys could cause such a commotion

If we actually met im pretty certain you would shallow your tongue
Plus believe me when I suggest you would be the only small town boy potentially running off home to his mum

The reality of your poems being long winded and having about the same depth of wordsworths little finger
brings forth the notion you have a complete unselfish awareness and the probability is your bullsh1t lines intend to linger

Booze cruise, bore snooze
Sitting with tea, so pretentiously
Forum face, ffs give intellect some space
Wannabe poet, youre sh1t and you know it

As for lockdown, well its been a complete revelation
Glued to the TV, eyes on our crumbling nation
You on the other hand mistook the occasion
To practice your hobby of self ma5terbation

Anyway...

Lets end this retort with some well needed advice,
in regards to the many personalities you claim not to splice....

Jsg, lady turd, have you checked your balls lately mate, yer might just be a bird?

I don't know who this person is, but honestly, he (I'm assuming it's a he) is hilarious. Hope he doesn't mind me sharing this. Seriously enjoying the back and forth it's a good laugh.

Thanks pal, will come back to you soon.

Could my dear friend be a female at least?
This concealed member who acts as a beast?

Small town boy? Oh no, you must have me confused
With a completely different person, that you once knew.

As for Wordsworth's little finger, that's a compliment, no?
Being mentioned in the same breadth as that man is nice as compliments go.

I wouldn't compare myself to any poet, for I don't profess to be one!
I simply post here for a snippet of fun.

The booze cruise you mention, so you were here long ago,
Which leads me to believe you had an account that I know.

'Wannabe poet', thanks for the branding old chap,
You're being rather assumptive with all that claptrap.

A crumbling nation? I wouldn't say so myself,
Aside from a worldwide pandemic we're a picture of health!

Anyway...

Lets end this retort with some well needed advice,
Please continue writing to me, it adds some well needed spice.

In fact reading that last sentence it's much more a request,
Forever and always, I wait here at your behest.

Shoo-bee shoo-bee doo,
Shoo-bee shoo-bee doo,
Shoo-bee shoo-bee doo wap shadoo,
Hurbly durbly.......silly moo.

Hahah reading them has well and truly cheered me up.... even the stalkers poem!

Hippes ya nutter

Takes one to know one,
Ya must be clean nuts!
I'll see you last Wednesday,
No ifs, whys or buts!

I'm not nuts
Just a little cuckoo
If ya carry on slating
I'll practice on me voodoo!