Hey everyone,

So I was talking to my friend Adam in chat and all of sudden we began going back and forth having a laugh at our favorite one liners.

I thought it would be fun for everyone to share all of your favorite ones as well.


Here are a few that were mentioned in chat:

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.

Lost my mind. Be back in five minutes.


Have fun!

Edited at 20:52 Mon 2/02/09 (GMT)

air guitars: buy one get one free

sometimes it's a game of 4 halves

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

There are 3 types of people; those who can count and those who can't.

Save a tree............eat a beaver.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Oh just a few personal ones, my younger sister isn't the cleverest and comes out with classics.

Came back from park with her boyfriend and told me she had seen "loads of swans, squirrels, shetland ponies, inuits, frogs, goats and peacocks." Still no idea what she thought inuits were.

I went to the cinema with her on Saturday to see Valkyrie, half way through she turned to me and asked "Are they the British?" I replied "What? The ones in the nazi uniforms? No, they aren't the British."

My grandad was round one morning and said he was off to see a matinee at the theatre later on, to which my sister asked "What's this play 'a matinee' about then?"

Lol before you think aww, she's in her 20's.

Pmsl!



If opening the refrigerator door
causes stray animals from a three-block
radius to congregate outside your house,
the meat is spoiled.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than
the average life span of a hamster.
So throw one in your refrigerator
to appropriately gauge this.

A piece of string walks into a bar and says 'pint of beer' the barman says, sorry.. we dont serve string in here, you are a piece of string arent you???

to which the piece of string replies...





No.. I'm a frayed knot!


BA-DISH! I'm taking that one onto Comedy Idol '09

Me: Waiter!! This chicken is rubbery!!!
Waiter: Fankyoo velly much


whats that all about??!?



Edited at 03:39 Tue 3/02/09 (GMT)

A bear walks into a bar (yes its a very popular bar) and says..

"Can I have a Bacardi........................................................ and coke please?"

To which the now fed up barman says...




"Why the big pause??!"

BIG PAWS!!! geddit?? eh?? Big.. Pause-Paws.. he's a BEAR!



Edited at 03:57 Tue 3/02/09 (GMT)

A parrot, an aardvaark and a hippo walk into a bar, the barman looks at them and says

'Is this some kind of joke?'

Ooooh hahahah...my sides hurt! PMSL!! Chick N Sangwich!

What kind of eggs did the wicked chicken lay? Deviled eggs.


Edited at 03:52 Tue 3/02/09 (GMT)